That feeling

True disaster. Two minutes before midnight. An all dark room without any light or presence in it. It's only me looking at the vertical bar on my phone as my thoughts fade away. What was I going to say, I ask myself. Did I even know what I wanted to say. Did I even have any words left capable of describing that feeling. What feeling? [you'll ask]. That. Feeling. That undescribable fight your eye sockets have while trying to hold back the tears from falling down on your cheekbones. That feeling of recognizing your skin but not being able to move it nor feel the sheet underneath it. That feeling of breathing air only because you can't momentarily or physically suffocate. That feeling of wanting to take the whole diazepam tablet but throwing away that one pill you even had the courage to take out of the tablet. That feeling when you need to scream but have no voice left for it. That vain feeling that fills you with nothing but means everything to you. That unbearing feeling that you must feel to understand these words with which I try to describe it. That is the feeling I don't wish even my biggest enemy to ever feel.