Tears.

Crying helps, but it also hurts. I guess it’s kind of like working out or eating healthy, it’s good for you but the process can be hard and painful. Crying relieves the tension and takes the weight off for a short time. I am sure I’m not the only one who cries alone and prefers it that way. There have been a few times when I have cried in front of someone else, and it is always embarrassing. When I cry, I feel vulnerable, weak, and not at my best state of mind. There are so many reasons why I cry that they could probably take up an entire book. I’m sure at some point, everyone has tried to fall asleep but you can’t help remembering all the stupid stuff you’ve done. Well, sometimes that happens to me, but I think about more than my mistakes. I think about all the things that I regret and all the things that have brought me joy. I think about how fast life has gone by and how things seem to be passing by so slowly now. I think about the great childhood memories and yearn to go back. I linger on all the painful and awkward teenage years and run as far as I can. I remember all the relationships that have come and gone. And I wonder if my current relationships will last or just become memories. I imagine how I could have changed the past and how my future will be. I question how long I will still be here and fear the day that I will leave. I cry in either angst or amazement at how life can be. It is fair and unjust. It is depressing and happy. It can be lonely, funny, memorable, painful, and so many other things. So I lay in my bed and cry for all the things that I cannot understand and wait for sleep to come. #tears #crying