Singularly puzzled

Going to bed disappointed. Too many times before playing out like some sick fucking play and I'm the only one in attendance. And I clap, one handed with fingers snapping, dripping with sarcasm and passive aggressive heavy sighs. I wish I could breathe right. I wish every word that I allow escape my plump red lips didn't seem to irritate yr every fiber. Will I matter one day? To me? You you? To anyone that doesn't have to? My doubts are heavy like the air we breathe in this shared space... It doesn't feel as if any of it belongs to me. Frustration and regret leak from every instance I seem to let you down because it was fated that I would. That's not my fucking story. No sir. I come with laughter and lightness and it's the dankness of this existence that invited in these nasty vibes. And I'm left wondering, where did I make all the wrong turns but still keep ending up in the same God damned spot?