Makeup

Life is never going to be a best-selling story.

Sure, some stories are based off real life. Autobiographies, biographies, nonfiction, even those teen stories. Just real enough to believe they could occur.

But, we will never see ourselves burn our old selves to become the new Spring Fling popular queen. We will never see ourselves walk away from our old lives to become the queen of a foreign country. We will never betray our family and country to fight for the opposite side.

Or will we?

Rebirth does not have to be as intense as a movie. My rebirth marked my transition from middle school to high school and it began with a simple thing: a wand of mascara.

Being well, ugly, unpopular, and nerdy all of my middle school life, I was the story book cliche of a nerd. I ate lunch by myself or with the teachers. I hung out in the library all morning and afternoon. My teachers gave me more presents than my friends ever did.

When I hit high school, however, I took my art skills and I put them into my face. Starting with mascara, I found that I liked how my eyes looked when they were intense. Mascara was, therefore, soon followed by eyeshadow and eyeliner, designed to make my brown eyes stand out. When the acne inevitably started to grow, it was quickly remedied with a concealer mixture I devised myself.

As my face changed, so did my popularity. I started getting asked out. A lot. An overwhelming amount of times. Like, it was getting really wild a lot.

My confidence also changed. Being shy and with limited human contact most of my life, I had the world's worst stage freight. I would never imagine standing up to a teacher that wronged me like I did, or telling a guy to back off when he became too forward. I got louder, and I gained friends. It was like hiding behind a mask of makeup that made me so powerful.

But, as most stories will tell. With popularity and fame, your life starts to derail. While I used to be a classic teacher's pet, I found a lot of teachers no longer liked me, despite me still being the top of my class and such. Having friends, believe it or not, was also stressful. Sometimes they used me for my other friends. Sometimes they hung out with me just because a lot of other people hung out with me. Sometimes I felt like they hated me so much because all I would talk about were my boy problems. It was horrible, feeling so alone, yet surrounded by so many people. The amount of times that someone told me that I had no reason to complain was astounding, my own mother being one of those people.

So the question is: would I take it back? Would I go back in time and never put the makeup on? I do not know.

For me, makeup is an artistic expression. I did it because I loved it. I looked good, I liked putting it on, and it was essentially daily artwork that I could show off.

The real question, however, is why did makeup change my life so much? I started loving myself, sure, but I've heard a lot of negative statements towards my makeup.

"You don't need makeup," "That's way too much," "I liked you better natural," "You look so fake." These statements coming from my friends, family, teachers, random people. Why does it matter if that's what I like? The amount of times I've been judged for wearing heels and having makeup, called stuck up and pretentious, is entirely uncalled for.

Because, makeup does not signify anything. Makeup is a choice you make for yourself. I wear my makeup for myself; not for the guys that follow me, not for my natural face to not offend your eyes, not for anyone other than me.

And if makeup is what gives me the confidence to declare that, then so be it. I love my makeup, and I don't care what anyone has to say about it.

So if I could go back in time and not put makeup on, would I do it? Absolutely not. I would never take away myself, because makeup is a part of the new, confident me.