i am so tired of feeling empty and alone. my nights are plagued with nightmares and tears that don't seem to stop. life seems so empty, so pointless right now. i don't want to kill myself, but if something were to happen, a disease or an accident that would end in my passing, i wouldn't be opposed. i can't see myself growing old. i can't see myself as my friends do, living their best life with their true love. why can't i be normal? why can't i just fall asleep and wake up feeling fine? i just want one day where i feel fully happy. but today is not that day. i am laying in bed and hoping to god that i don't have to wake up tomorrow and face another day, because every day ends in tears, late at night when no one else is awake. i wish i could disappear. i wish i had someone to hold me. i wish i was a different person, someone who is happy and friendly and pretty. i just don't want to be tired anymore.