the many faces of heartbreak

Why is it that there is more than one type of heartbreak?

1. the all at once, world is crashing down around me, i can no longer breathe sort of heartbreak where it seems like there is nothing left to hope for, and perhaps love should not be real if losing it hurts this much.

2. the heartbreak of betrayal. when you trust something or someone that much, you’re giving them the power to hurt you in a way you’ve never been hurt before, like the floor has been taken out from under you and you’re falling with no end in sight, with no crevice to grasp. this is that type of pain.

3. the loss of something you love. this is heartbreak almost everyone has been subjected to, if you’ve lived long enough on this earth. the unique thing about this type of pain is that it isn’t like numbers 1 or 2, where it’s all at once. no, it comes in waves. the hurt can be small, nagging at your ankles begging for your attention but still easy to ignore; however, with this type of heartbreak one must always be prepared for the waves that will drown you, that’ll pull you under and have you gasping for breath wondering if there truly is an escape. it doesn’t seem as overwhelming, i guess, in the beginning. but sometimes this pain can hurt the most.

4. now...number 4 is probably the most unique, and the most uncommon because many people do not have to experience this kind of pain. this heartbreak is reserved for those who feel too much, whose empathy can be one of their biggest assets but also one of their most despicable tools of self-torment. what is this pain? it is the heartbreak of breaking another’s heart. perhaps it sounds almost poetic, in a way, but the reality is that it is unexpected and it is bitter and fills you with guilt that you can’t really seem to dispel without a little passing of time. your heart feels as if it is being squeezed in between your ribs as a punishment for tearing apart another. you deserve this, your brain whispers as you wonder if you truly made the right decision in hurting someone who cared so much. in a twisted way, it almost seems as if breaking someone else’s heart means you broke yours too. this is the pain that you dread, because it creates your fear of love, and sometimes - even a reluctance to be loved.