i drew a perfect heart today and it was deserving enough of a title.

love is just a word until someone gives it meaning. but someone is irrelevant without meaning love. i don't care if i fail or if i lose or if im not in first place. i just want to be adored. and cherished. and felt so important and nurtured that my brain is convinced that i am once again nothing more than a child.

when i was four years old living in Hartsdale, New York, i looked outside the big screen doors that led to my backyard and asked my father, "dad, where do clouds come from?" i was so curious that i wanted all the answers to things unknown. a tradition in korean culture is when a new-born is celebrated, he or she is placed around random objects or items, and whatever the baby crawls to and plays with or picks up will determine the future and direction of his or her life. i picked up a pen.

and so, many years later, i once again find myself picking up a pen, writing of dreams widely shared and lonliness long endured. i find myself in a midst of life when i am both the giver and receiver. both the creator and the life in the hands of another. does it scare you? this life? or are you distracted enough to not care?

for many, life is all about the journey. but how can it be a journey when my life has been lived entirely the same? i hope one day i will look back just long enough to see the dust rise from beneath my feet, and remind myself of where i belong. remind myself of where i am ultimately going. i have accepted that fate long ago.

we are all the same, you and me. no matter how different we may have lived our lives they all start and end in the same fashion. i wish sometimes that whenever i look up into the stars, i can have a normal life, and in turn, i can have a normal end.