Summer Solved
“I got that summertime sadness…” –Lana Del Rey, Summertime Sadness
I shut off my music player and open my eyes. The sky is a delicious azure and the scent of freshly-cut grass hangs in the air although we haven’t mown the lawn in weeks. It’s your run-of-the-mill summer day in your run-of-the-mill small town, but I can’t enjoy it with school starting tomorrow. It’s not fair. I know we got out in late May and all, but it’s only mid-August. School shouldn’t start until Labor Day.
‘Not fair, not fair, not fair.’ The words bounce around my head as I wander inside and up to my room. I want to check out the old lamp I picked up at a flea market a week ago. It looks like something out of Aladdin so I rub the handle on top as a joke. Suddenly the lamp becomes very hot and starts to shake. A wisp of gold smoke comes out of the spout. It smells like cumin and roses. The whole room is soon completely immersed in the smoke. Then a genie-like shape forms.
“I AM JAHALZABAD!!!” Booms the genie. “I CAN SOLVE ONE PROBLEM FOR YOU!! WHAT DO YOU WISH TO HAVE RESOLVED??”
“Wait, um, Jahalzabad,” I start, confused. “Why do you only solve problems?”
Jahalzabad rolls his misty eyes.
“I knew it was a bad idea! But all the other genies were like ‘ooh too many people are wishing for more wishes, that’s not okay,’ so here I am. A problem-solving genie. Wow, that sounds lame! I don’t hear the pizzazz in that, do you, kid?”
I shake my head. He’s right.
“So, seriously,” he continues in a normal voice. “Spit it out. This is embarrassing for me, you know. I want this over with.” He crosses his arms and stares at me.
My mind has gone almost blank.
“Uh,” I say.
“Well, call me back when you’ve made up your mind. Until then, FAREWELL HUMAN!! DON’T FORGET THE GREA-"
“Wait! I know what I want to have solved!” I cry. Jahalzabad pauses. “My school starts tomorrow but I don’t want it to. That counts as a problem, right?”
“I’d say it does. So you want a longer summer break?” Asks Jahalzabad. I nod. “Well, how long?”
“At the very least until after Labor Day,” I reply. I wonder how he’s going to pull this one off.
“Very well, kid. Your problem has been… SOLVED!!!” He snaps his fingers and disappears into the cloud of gold smoke which is then sucked back into the old lamp. I look outside. Nothing looks different. I don’t feel different. Maybe it was a hoax or a hallucination or something. I pick up my music player and go back outside into the sunshine.
**
Small Town Times
BREAKING NEWS: SCHOOL SYSTEM SHUT DOWN DUE TO ASBESTOS DISCOVERIES
In the local middle school and high school, officials have discovered airborne asbestos during their annual inspection. A known carcinogen, asbestos remains in many older buildings as an insulator. “But when it gets out and into the air, asbestos can cause all sorts of issues for human health, including lung cancer. Which is why we had to shut down the schools in order to safely remove it. The health of our students and teachers should be our first priority,” says a statement released by the superintendent last night. It is uncertain just how much time it will take to remove the asbestos and replace the insulation in both buildings. “We would estimate about 6 weeks to get everything done so the school can open. Maybe longer,” comments Mr. Andrew Snyder, one of the five school inspectors. The school board has tentatively put the school start date at September 5. More information will be in the evening edition.