I Might Have Overreacted, but...

One night, Mom and I went our separate ways after we watched a game show together. She hit the casino to play slots and I headed back to our room. I took the elevator to our floor and walked towards the Starboard side. I wasn't alone. Two rambunctious guys followed behind me in the midst of a drunken conversation. The way they spoke reminded me of a couple of frat boys.

I assumed the worst. They were two men. I was one woman. There was no one else here in this narrow hallway. If they tried anything, I wouldn't be able to do much to defend myself. I tensed and quicked my pace down the hall.

When I finally reached my room, I pulled my key card out of its lanyard and slid it into the card reader. The small square above it flashed green, permitting my entry, and I pushed the door open just to have it collide with the bathroom door.

One of the guys noticed this and commented. "Looks like they don't want you inside." The other guy chuckled.

That got my blood pumping. I had to get into the room. I had to get into the room now. I pushed the door open. Once. Twice. Three times. Four. All in quick succession. Then, I was in.

The sports channel was on and the light from the TV illuminated the figure of my dad, fast asleep underneath the covers. Next to his bed, my couchbed was all set up, waiting for me in the corner of the room.

I did my nightly routine and changed into my pajamas before I went to bed. Although I was safe and sound inside of my room, my paranoia wouldn't leave me be. What if they tried to break in? What if they knew a way to break in somehow? If they did that while I was sleeping, I'd be completely defenseless.

I tried to calm myself down. I told myself that there was no way that they could break in because they didn't have my card key. I tried to tell myself, You're safe. It's okay. That didn't work. I tried taking slow, deep breaths. In through my nose, out through my mouth...That didn't work, either.

I tried to reason my emotions away. You're just being paranoid. It's the social anxiety. You're overreacting. That didn't help.

I wound up taking a Klonopin.

A while later, mom returned to the room. A part of me wanted to come out from underneath the covers and cry out, "Mom!" But I decided against it. Those guys scared me, sure, but they didn't do anything to me, so nothing would come out of talking about it. Besides, I didn't want Mom to worry. She already had enough on her plate with her parents and the whole point of going on this cruise was to get away from all of that and relax. So I kept quiet and cried myself to sleep.