Rakhiv.

They walked and walked some more along the road, some in the woods, for a total of about two hours before coming to the city known on the western borders as the city in the valley of the Carpathians in Ukraine.

“Welcome to Rhakiv!” said Annie finally as they looked down into the valley below. A little river ran through the outskirts of town. They crossed a little bridge and entered into town then, renting a couple bicycles as Annie explained that that was the best way to get around in Rakhiv.

Leah wondered at this seeming tourist destination, hidden away in the valley and how it could possibly lead to the salvation of her husband. But what could they do? Annie was there current leader for the time being and they had no choice in the matter but to trust her.

Danny, riding behind his mother in the bicycle seat, pointed up at the golden domes then and said, “Look!”

“I think you’re right, Danny,” said his mother, starting to get a little or a lot tired. “Be careful what you wish for, Danny,” referring to her desire to lose about ten pounds.

Following Annie’s solemn lead, they parked their bicycles nearby and walked towards the wooden double-doors of the Church of the Holy Spirit. Annie made the sign of the cross then, crossing herself from right to left as was the custom.

Leah and Danny hesitated to go in for a moment’s time as other townsfolk gathered for the Saturday vigil, still chanted in ‘Early Church Slavonic’.

After a moment, Leah said, “Alright, Danny, now remember: No drinking from the chalice and no taking of confession.”

“What?” said Danny as they went into the holy ‘tserkov’.

Leah was a Catholic, but had had some experience with the Orthodox Church. She could appreciate the ‘ikons’, but did not know how to pray in the Orthodox way.

Danny on the other hand was overwhelmed by the smell and the sight of its interior. He was certainly getting full cultural exposure on the “little” trip to Ukraine. He was probably now at this moment, entering the Orthodox church, the most experienced two-year-old, going on twenty, and saw the ikon of the little man-child in Mary’s arms, self-identifying not necessarily as Christ himself, but as a “Man-child.”

Leah went up to Annie and whispered in her ear, “Now what?”

Her arms were folded and she stood in accordance with the customs of the day, which had been the customs of the day for quite some time. Try two thousand years!

Annie put a finger to her lips in sign that she should be silent, staring straight ahead at the Holy Doors as the priest came out from behind the sacred doors. The service proceeded as usual, except when the time came for communion.

Leah folded her arms across her chest, so as to receive a blessing from the Orthodox priest. He gave it her and, as he was saying in English: “Blessings in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” Then he bent down closer to Leah’s ear and whispered one word.

Leah went cold at that and flushed. How did this Orthodox priest know the top-secret, family password? What did he know? What were they doing here really???

After this, the priest leaned down to give Danny his blessing. “Vy Drakon,” said the Priest so only Danny could hear. Danny had had no idea what had been said, but the priest had lain a silver necklace in his tiny hand—An holy ikon, not of St. George, but of St. Daniel the Prophet, which was quite rare. He (Danny) felt quite special.

Coming out of the main part of the church, Leah tapped Annie on the shoulder. “Hey, what’s going on here?” she said, “I thought we were looking for my husband!”

“Everything in good time,” answered Annie then, going into the Ladies’ Restroom. Leah followed her inside.

“Hey!” she said, spinning Annie around, “That’s not good enough. Do you know where he is or not?!”

“He stole a pickle,” said Annie with a smile and taking a comb from out of her purse, beginning to comb her hair and saying, “Now, he must pay.”

“What?!” said Leah, “What are you talking about?”

“It’s just a common expression,” said Annie, now applying some red lipstick to her mouth. She offered some to Leah. “Your husband is in good hands.”

“I thought you said he was in grave danger!” interjected Leah then.

“What I meant,” said Annie, “Was that he will be in great danger, unless he does not find his grave.”

“What?!” said Leah, sending a language barrier, “Please do not speak in riddles! Please just take me to him!”

“You will see,” said Annie and patted her hair. She started to walk past Leah in order to exit the bathroom, but Leah grabbed her by the arm.

“Listen, Lady,” she said, growing impatient, “If you don’t tell me where he is before I count to five, I’m going to have to water-board you in the f—’n toilet. So, if I were you, I’d better start talking!”

“You must trust me,” said Annie with wild, wide eyes.

“Unh-Unh,” answered Leah, “Wrong answer!” Leah took two steps backward, then proceeded to body-slam Annie, such that she was pushed into the stall adjacent to the sink.

The water in the toilet was clean, but Annie looked at it with eyes wider still. Leah began again.

“Where—is—Ben—Ja—Min?” On each syllable, Leah pushed Annie’s face towards the toilet water. Annie flushed the toilet on accident saying, “Wait just a minute, I will show you!”

“Not good enough,” said Leah, forcing Annie’s head into the clear water, as if in form of baptism. Annie gurgled, then came up for air.

“He’s—in—the—car.”

“What?” said Leah, pulling Annie upright, “What did you say?”

“He’s in the car; He’s in the car.”

“Ah,” said Leah, “Now we’re getting somewhere! And where is this car?”

Annie started to laugh then saying, “And Phoebus’ car shall make and mar…” But Leah was too fast and pushed her back towards the water.

“The foolish faaaaaaaaaaaates!” said Annie, gurgling and sputtering as Leah flushed the toilet this time.

After a few moments, Leah brought her up again and said, “I’m going to ask you one last time.” Apparently, Danny had wandered in after everyone else had already left, peeking his head in and saying, “Is everything alright in there?”

“Not now, Danny,” said Leah, “Annie and mommy are having grown-up talk!”

She shoved Annie’s head back towards the water when Annie said, “Ok, Ok, I will tell you!”

“That’s better,” said Leah.

“What’s going on in here?!” said the Priest, coming in behind Danny.

“Nothing, Father!” said leah from behind the stall.

“Help!” screamed Annie then.

“Bitch!” shouted Leah and smacked her across the face. They both fell out of the stall.

“Help me, Father!” shrieked Annie, rushing towards the Holy Father, “She’s insane!”

Annie knelt then at the Priest’s knees and started to kiss his ring as any Orthodox will do when addressing a Holy one.

“What is the meaning of this? Anastasia Arkadyavich, tell me this instant: What is going on between you two?”

“Excuse us, Father,” said Leah, getting up off the bathroom floor, “but Princess Anna here won’t tell me where my husband is.”

Father Josef looked at Annie then and addressed her directly, “Why are you playing games with this woman, Anna Arkadyavich? I thought I told you to tell Boris that pickles are bad for him!”

“What?” said Leah then, “You know something I don’t know?!”

Father Josef helped Annie to her feet. “Yes, my child,” he said to Leah then, “Boris Berezinski is a big supporter of the church of the Holy Spirit here in Rakhiv. You see, we would not have our iconstasis or much else for that matter without his generous contributions. Being in bed with the Russian Mafia has its perks, believe you me!”

“What?” said Leah, “Alright, that’s it. We are SO out of here. Danny?”

“Wait,” said Josef then, “I can explain.”

“Waiting,” said Leah.

“Let’s go into my office,” said Father Josef then.

They all four went out then and proceeded to follow the Holy Father to his office in the back of the church where he also happened to live.

“Welcome,” he said when they had entered into his living quarters. “Now,” he said, lighting a lamp, “Please sit down.”

They all sat down then with Leah and Annie sitting on either side of Danny.

“Danny was just telling me,” said Father Josef, “That you have been in the Ukraine for one week now?”

“Yes,” said Leah.

“And you have already seen much of the countryside, apparently,” he said smiling.

Leah did not answer.

“Well,” Father Josef began again. “I take it that your husband…” he looked down contemplatively and gestured toward Leah.

“Benjamin,” said Leah.

“Benjamin,” said the Holy Father, “A fine name. Do you know the story behind that name?”

“Get to the point,” said Leah, growing a tad annoyed with this Orthodox priest.

“Well,” continued Father Josef, “Benjamin was the youngest son of Jacob and…”

“I know this story!” said Leah then, “Jacob and Rachel…and Leah had twelve sons together.”

“yes,” said Father Josef, “The twelve sons who became the twelve tribes or patriarchs of Israel. Continue!”

“Right,” said Leah, “And one of these sons was named Joseph.”

At this, Father Josef smiled and looked at Danny saying, “You see, my boy, that is why we read our Bibles. I’ll tell you your story as well soon enough…Continue!”

“He was the favored son,” said Leah then, “Because he was a son of Jacob and Rachel, the favored wife.”

“Yes,” said Father Josef, “And the other wife?”

“Leah,” answered Leah.

“Correct!” said Father Josef, all smiles and gesticulating greatly at this point. “Continue!”

“Anyway, the other sons became jealous of Joseph because his father, Jacob, had given him a cloak of many colors. It happened one day that while they were working out in the fields, the other brothers contrived to capture their brother Joseph in order to kill him out of jealousy. But one of the brothers named Reuben said, “Let us be merciful and throw Joseph into a pit and leave him for dead.” So, that’s what they did. And to make a long story short, he was sold into slavery.”

“That was very merciful of them, wasn’t it?” said Father Josef to Danny.

Danny nodded in approval, receiving his Bible lesson for the day.

“And then what happened?” asked Father Josef.

“Well,” said Leah, “Joseph goes to Egypt and becomes the assistant of Potiphar.”

“Who was?” asked Father Josef.

“An Egyptian dude?” answered Leah.

“More or less,” said Father Josef with a shrug. “Continue.”

“Anyway,” said Leah, “Potiphar’s wife wanted to sleep with Joseph. So she asked him to, but he refused to sleep with her! So she accused him of attempted rape. Therefore, thinking this, Potiphar had Joseph put into prison where he came to the attention of the Pharaoh through his ability to interpret the dreams of the Pharaoh.”

“And what was the dream?” asked Father Josef, smiling from ear-to-ear.

“He dreamed,” said Leah in response, “Of seven fat cows and seven lean ones. And the lean ones ate the fat ones. Then, he dreamed of seven ears of corn that were withered which devoured seven fat ears of corn.”

“Very good,” said Father Josef, “I see you have a very good memory.”

“And Joseph answered Pharaoh saying, “The seven cows are years. The seven corn that are withered are years of famine. Therefore, God warned Pharaoh through his dream to prepare for a great famine that was to come>

“Better and Better!” said Father Josef then. “And did this Great Famine come to pass?”

“Yes,” answered Leah, glancing over at Annie who was texting someone of another. “There came to pass a Great Famine in the land of Egypt and of Canaan where lived Jacob and his sons.”

“Jacob then sent his sons to beg for food from Pharaoh. The brothers all came to Egypt, but did not recognize their own brother who had been gone for quite some time. So, Joseph slipped a cup in young Benjamin’s belongings when nobody was looking. As the brothers were about to depart with the corn, Joseph ordered their bags to be searched and, finding the cup there in Benjamin’s bag, threw them all into prison.”

“tsk, tsk,” said Father Josef, “And then what did Joseph do?”