Squeak. The sound originates at the very back of my throat, on the left side. Too far left. Squeak. Again. Right side. Not far enough. Squeak. Squeak. I've overdone it now - too much noise at the back and I'm still not balanced. I must maintain balance, symmetry, order. Perfection. A throbbing pain erupts in my throat as I rub it raw with my noise. Squeak. When everything feels okay again, then I can stop. I'm so close. So close to perfection. Squeak.