Take Me Back

Hey! Is now a bad time?

Yeah, it's been a minute.

I'm good, I'm good. How are you?

Good to hear.

Well I had a free moment and I just thought I would call you up.

I've been giving it a lot of thought, and I think we should get back together.

Don't hang up.

I'm not -- I promise I'm not gonna cry.

I know you said you never wanted to see my face again.

No, I remember.

Yep.

But I really have been thinking about it a lot, and it would be great if you'd just hear me out.

Please.

Thanks so much. I'll make it quick, I promise.

First I wanted to address the elephant in the room.

Brittany.

Don't call her that.

No, I'm not seeing her anymore. I wasn't ever really -- it's not important.

I want to apologize. Really, sincerely. I was selfish, and stupid, and I hurt you, and that inexcusable.

In my defense, I would like to say that you were in Rome.

Well what was I supposed to do?

Okay okay okay. This isn't going well.

You said you would hear me out.

Okay.

What I mean is that I'm sorry about Brittany. I've changed. I'm a better man. A bigger and better man who doesn't need validation from other girls. Sorry, women.

I didn't appreciate what I had when I had it, and I didn't understand the consequences of my actions.

I understand if you can never trust me again. That's totally understandable.

What do you mean you don't know?

That's not a real answer.

Yeah I had other stuff. Um.

Second, I wanted to say that I've been thinking about you all the time, every day. Your long hair --

You cut your hair?

Oh. Oh, no, that's fine, I'm still -- yeah. Your pretty face, and the way you laugh, and your smile, and your body -- and how smart you are!

Yeah. I miss you. I guess.

Um, third, I think I was really good for you because I convinced you to chill out and not work all the time. You work too much. I always said you work too much.

Yeah but wasn't it more fun when you could blow off steam with me?

I know you have a stressful job! But I think you should try a little less and I helped you with that.

Sorry, worry. I meant worry less.

Fourth -- this is the last one, I promise -- I think you were really good for me. You made me a better person. I was nicer, and happier, and was actually looking forward to the future. You did that. You're great. I think we're good together.

So, um, what do you think?

Hello? Are you still there?

Hi.

Okay.

I guess I understand that.

Well, give it some thought -- if you ever change your -- okay.

It was good to talk to you.

Enjoy dinner.

Bye.

(The cell phone is dead, and she blocked his number long ago. It doesn't change the satisfying, indulgent pain of the exercise.)