The Break-Up

"I'm imaginary? I don't exist?!?"

Her eyes fell. She couldn't look at me in that moment, as she softly said, "Yes, I'm sorry. I made you up."

I paced in circles, trying to get my head straight. Getting dumped was bad enough, but this...sure, she'd been troubled, what with her uncle abusing her and her parents not doing anything about it. It had taken years for her to get to a state where she could even think about a relationship. Still, we'd been happy, of sorts. My own past wasn't all that shiny, either. Wait. Maybe that was how I could convince her that she was being ridiculous.

"So, what about my past. What about my father's death when I was young, and my alcoholic mother. Who thinks up stuff like that for their imaginary friend?"

"I needed you to be broken, like me, so you would understand me."

I stopped, incredulous. "Are you serious?"

Again, her gaze fell to the carpet. "I don't expect you to believe me. I know how this must sound to you. I'm sorry."

"Damn right it sounds crazy. So...why exactly are you doing this now?"

For the first time in minutes, she looked me straight in the eye, and I saw sadness wash over her features.

"It's not helping anymore. I need to move on, and if you were real, that's what you'd have to do, too. I love you, but I can't live with this crutch forever. I need to get back on my own two feet. Please try to understand."

She looked away for a second, "By tomorrow morning, you'll have ceased to exist."

"Hey, don't get me wrong. I hate that you want to end it, and it tears me apart. But I'm worried about you. All this talk about me being imaginary...that's not normal."

She smiled wistfully at that.

"We never really did normal all that well, did we?"

I shook my head, still unable to wrap my head around all of it. I felt a hysteric laugh bubble up from my stomach, but it stuck in my throat.

"No, I suppose we didn't."

She didn't say more, and I was too stunned and out of my depth to say anything, either. A few minutes later, she got up, and walked to the door.

"Good-bye, Sam."

I looked at her, vision blurry from tears I didn't know whether they came from anger or heartbreak...probably both. I don't know how, but I croaked out a "Bye." and turned toward the window. It was grey outside. That much, at least, was fitting. I didn't move until I heard the front door open and close. I felt sobs welling up, and for once, I didn't even try to stop them.

Damn, we might not have done normal, but we were great together, scars and all. Had been great together. Damn it all.

I only wished she hadn't gone off the deep end like she had. I'd have to call her therapist and let her know. Tomorrow. I grabbed the tablet from the couch, and called up a melancholy music playlist. Tonight was for diving into the depths of darkness. Tomorrow would be soon enough. A bitter laugh escaped me. If I was even still here tomorrow. Crazy talk.

Somehow, I must have fallen asleep on the couch. I woke up early, as orange light fell through the window. A perfect sunrise for a crappy day. Oh well, so much for imaginary friends, I thought. I called my supervisor at work to take a few days off. I needed some time to process this.

After breakfast, I called the therapist's office.

"Hey, this is Sam Hegler. I'm calling about my girl-friend Janet. She seems to have had a break-down of sorts."

"Hi Mr. Hegler. I'm sorry, who did you say this was about?"

"My girl-friend, Janet Lloyd. She broke up with me yesterday, and seems to believe I'm an imaginary friend."

"Hang on, let me call up her file."

I waited.

"Mr. Hegler, I'm sorry. There is no Janet Lloyd on file here. Are you sure you called the right number?"

"Of course I'm - ", I started to say, then I stopped as everything came rushing in on me.

"I'm sorry, nevermind", I rasped, and hung up the phone.

Everything spun around me, and I held on to the kitchen countertop to steady myself. My father's death, the home I never had after that, and that sunny day in the park when I first met her.

Only I never did.

Her voice came back to me. "It's not helping anymore. I need to move on, and if you were real, that's what you'd have to do, too."

Fuck my messed-up brain.