Kindergarten

I woke up with a gasp. Mom was shaking my shoulders gently.

"Ready for your first day?" She asked.

"Ugh!" I groaned pulling the covers up over my head.

"Come on, it'll be fun..." She prodded and I sighed.

"Fine," I said quietly, "a few more minutes?" I asked hopefully.

"No, you can't be late for the first day of kindergarten!" She said loudly and I groaned again. Every second was torture. Get up, eat breakfast, get ready, trudge outside in the cold with my big sister, all while dreading it. It'll be terrible! It will! I haven't even been able to talk to anyone but my close friends and family my WHOLE LIFE! So HOW was I supposed to spend a whole day with strangers? I was mad, but mostly... I was scared. How could mom DO this to me? Why would she do this to me?

Stepping out of the car I reminded myself to breathe. We FINALLY got to my new classroom. Mom said "hi," to the teacher, and then she was gone. I was trapped! I sigh as my teacher walks up and says "hi," I open my mouth to say hi back. Nothing... I look down embarrassed, my mouth still open. Why can't I talk to her? Why can't I ever talk to anyone? My chest hurts, my breaths are shallow, and my throat hurts.

"Shy?" She asks.

No! I think I want to talk! I want to say hi! I want to scream at her. But my chest is too tight, and my mouth won't work.

"That's okay!" She says cheerfully, and leaves me alone.

No! It's not okay! I want to tell her. But I can't. I keep my head down, and wish I was still asleep. I sit Dow at a table, and another girl sits down beside me. "Hi!" She says brightly. I manage a small smile, but I still can't say hi... "I'm Elizabeth!" She continued. "Hi," I choked out in a hushed whisper. She smiled, and neither of us said anything else. Say something! Anything! My brain shouted at me, but my throat still didn't work.

I sat, my head down, my eyes flickering around the room briefly landing on each of the other kids. One boy was talking loudly to a group of his friends, and a girl was whispering excitedly to a group of girls. I sighed, and wondered again why I was here.

"Okay everybody get in a circle, we're going to play a get to know you game!" Our teacher announced cheerfully. I closed my eyes wishing I was ANYWHERE but here! I got on the circle and knew I wouldn't say anything. I didn't even bother opening my mouth, I just looked down as everyone went around the circle saying their names and favorite colors. It got to me and I REALLY tried! But everything was too quiet until my teacher finally said "Abigail right?" And I nodded. The circle continued, but I didn't hear it. All I heard was the silence that I had made.

We finally started a lesson, but I couldn't hear it. I tried to listen, but all I could think about was my teacher asking if I was shy, and all those kids staring at me when we were in the circle. Recess came, but I sat on a bench and watched the other kids. I couldn't ask to play, I couldn't even say hi... At lunch I sat silently watching the other kids talk. In class again, I tried to listen, and it sorta worked.

But I was mad. At mom. At the other kids. But mostly, at myself. FINALLY it was time to go home. Mom came to pick me up, and asked how the first day was. "Good," I lied staring out the window. When we got home I went straight to my closet where mom and I had built a blanket corner. Crawling in I sighed, but this time in relief. I hate school.