Denial

You see my face, all happy and warm. You are in denial of the pain I once wore.

Rejection was my battlefield, I would yield jokes to cover up the pain.

Scars of inner shame have burned their way through my sinew leaving all exposed.

My rising above my circumstance was a crawl through burning ash. My mind whirling with hate. Nothing rash or competent could enter with the smoke looming around me.

Drowning in my own sea of self doubt.

I could scream and shout the demons swarming my mind would laugh and heckle in my own demise.

In my pain I thought I was wise.

Through blood and sweat and empty promises and threats; I made it through the mire.

An acrobat on a thin thousand high wire. Determination was my balance stick.

My despair nightly thick as blackness crawled inch by inch, swallowing every fairy size candle in my heart.

Ever reaching for a new start.

Every girl has a knight. To not be deceived, there is valid truth seeds of love in every fairy tale told.

The first came on a cross died so brave and bold. There is confusion and mockery on this event. To me non-relevant. He waded through my mire muck. Helped me see the princess in myself, when the world tried to put me on the shelf of disdain. His love for me will ever reign.

My second knight, yes I have two. His love came at a time when care and hope had walked out of the secret crevices of my heart. I was sure I would lie in the Sahara of my mistakes. Then my soul was shaken.

Awaken to the love of a mortal man? I cursed them all. Wanting all of them to be damned. I could not resist.

He missed not a detail in my truth. Was not cruel or uncouth. He took me as I am.

I will forever be a little lamb to both of them.

There is so much denial in our world, truth has such a tiny voice, through the good and the bad, if we listen close, we will all unfold in the glory of light like the rose.