I Am an Imposter

Another day, starting at four in the morning, even though I'm not an early riser. But there is so much that has to be done before the end of the day, and there's a sort of quiet solitude in the dark, away from pointing fingers and whispers.

I dress quickly and head up to roof, where I will swim several laps before breakfast. Physical exertion helps focus my mind and I thrive off of pushing myself harder each time.

About an hour later, I'm drying myself off with a towl, changing clothes again, and heading down for breakfast. While I eat, I write up an email that will be sent to every single last employee at I.S. Tech. I do this every Monday, updating them on any new deals or developments that are happening, and making sure they know just how much I appreciate all the work they do. I don't derserve employees like them.

As soon as I've finished, I grab my briefcase from by the door, get in my car, and drive myself to work. Although I haven't picked up a newspaper in a about a year now, I've been told my face is usually plastered across the cover from at least two or three, not to mention a couple magazines. I've been hailed one of the "30 under 30" and called the "most motivated business woman of the century."

It's lies, and the face they all print is smiling, eyes sparkling and full of life. I'm not sure where they get these pictures, but I have to admit they look nice.

Must have photoshopped them or something, I think.

I don't have bodyguards--I don't need them. When it's my time to die, then I'll die, and no amount of bodyguards is going to change that. And besides, I don't need a bunch of silent people dressed in black watching my every movement. I need my alone time.

The rest of the morning, I am distracted for some reason. I only get to send out emails to half of our investors, as I write them myself. Auto-generated, impersonal emails don't go as far, and besides, it just doesn't seem right to me.

Anyway, I can't finish them all because then I have to go through the suggested ad campaign designs, make my own suggestions, and send them back. After that, it's a meeting with the heads of the different departments, then walk through all the different floors, greeting my employees. Their smiling faces make me feel happy.

Meeting after meeting follow, and I give an "inspirational" speech at two to an auditorum full of dreaming college students. I hope they all make it farther than they thought was possible. I then drive to where I am volunteering at a children's home, nestled about an hour from the city. Nobody knows that I do this, and I'd prefer it would stay that way. It's the one thing in my life that has remained a constant, playing a part in helping these children as they grow up.

But even though there are no cameras, no reporters waiting for me to slip up, I am scared that people will find out.

I don't deserve my fame, my wealth, my company . . . none of it. I am no different from any of the people around me except that I am an imposter, pretending to be hard-working and business savy, caring and thoughtful.

I am none of those things.

I don't even know what I'm doing right now.

Or how I even got where I am, but I don't deserve it.

I don't deserve this.