Feathers

I wish she loved herself, like I love her.

I’m not sure what she’s mad about

when she tells me, she’s sleeping on the couch.

Something that night, just didn’t feel right.

I get out of bed and flip on the light,

and find my nightmare has became real life.

Empty bottle of vodka, empty bottle of pills.

My bottle of benzo’s, just been refilled.

I call 911, they send cops, EMS,

and I follow lights of the ambulance.

Lights spinning, head spinning,

I can’t think. I can’t breathe.

I can’t breathe , I can’t breathe.

Park in the garage and I find a feather.

Walking the hospital halls I find more feathers

Waiting outside ICU, I find feathers.

Someone told me…

Angels are near when feathers appear.

Finding the feathers felt like a sign.

I didn’t know the meaning but still felt divine.

My lover recovered but struggled with recovery.

I loved her and she loved me.

Told her the story & feathers became “our thing”

She would wear them on chains and earrings.

We had our ups and downs.

During benders I remember,

finding feathers on the ground.

The sun still shines during stormy weather.

It gave me a lil hope that things will get better.

About a year later, I wasn’t there to save her,

and the love of my life took her own.

Until she passed on, I never felt alone.

Even with friends and family, I still felt alone.

Even if infront of a crowd, behind a microphone,

I still felt alone.

So…

I’d hide in the cave and I’d isolate.

Eyes give me away, so I’d hide behind shades.

If I didn’t, I’d get asked, ‘are you okay?’

My eyes are re(a)d, my eyes are blue.

My eyes tell no lies, so I’d hide the truth.

If I could,I would, have worn a mask.

When I see my reflection, all I see is scars.

Someone told me,

Angels are near when feathers appear.

Somedays were dark, somedays were darker.

Somedays were hard, somedays were harder.

Somedays were bad and somedays were worse.

I could go days, weeks, and maybe months,

and somedays the hurt, hurt too much.

When I felt like I couldn’t take any more,

I’d look down and find a feather on the floor.

Maybe I look down more when I’m down,

but it's a breathe of air when I fear drown.

Whether the feather is a sign or symbol, I feel better.

@fatbellybella told me I have a guardian angel.

I know when I’m down, something picks me up.

I always find a feather on a bad day,

outside my door on my birthday,

on stage when I DJ, on tour at venues I played.

I makes me feel like everything will be okay,

and I’ll make it another day.

Winter eventually does become spring.

So now,

my quils come from angel wings.