i hope you’re sitting down

no one understands. i cannot share with anyone. too dangerous to be open. i'd look like an attention seeking twit to some. others might have me committed. so i've kept quiet. but you asked for truth. better be ready for it.

i haven't been fine. not in years. maybe not ever. you mock me by saying i have no secrets or couldn't hold any darkness. obviously, it's hidden. deep inside, where only i am allowed. twisted and festering. growing increasingly tired of waiting. fed up with being polite and kind. dangerously close to taking over.

it's only when i dream that i can give myself over. hese thoughts. this Darkness. looming over my shoulder. whispering about death, violations, rage, insanity. but most of all, blood. my own blood. simmering beneath the cool surface of skin. my veins taunting me with vibrant hums and a dull throb. i want so much to open myself up and see it all laid bare. the whites of bone. see what the texture of muscle and cartilage tastes like. i want to bathe in my own blood. maybe it would play a different song on the outside. a symphony of sound, just for me.

there's more. are you still with me? you look a little green, darling.

i dream of others. their blood. bones, skin, muscle. their bodies broken and deformed. covering the floor like rugs from a department store. each one unique and delightful. a rainbow of colors. one stands out among the rest. He has beautiful blue eyes and pale skin i could just sink my teeth into. i dream of his screams and agony. begging for mercy. crying. tears and snot covering his ridiculous face. all i can do is laugh and keep going. til the last breath is whooshed from collapsed lungs and trickles of blood pool in the corners of his sweet lips. oh i bet they taste so fucking good!

i try to bottle it up and stash it. far down, locked up tight. and still little whisps curl over my ears and play with my hair. worked holes through the lock box and creep into the waking hours. Otherness is doing its best to convince me to give in.

why not? sounds like fun. don't you think?