Not to deepen this depression that I'm already in but you wanted me to tell you so I'll tell you. The saddest of all poets are the ones who lose themselves for a night or so only to wake up with their thoughts in front of them and only a pen that can really understand them. This very poet is me, this very person who doesn't know how else to tell it is who I am. I can't tell you about the dementias I've been through these past 4 days because it just wouldn't make sense, but this very thing broke my heart and lead me to it all. This very thing that makes me ache and yearn to understand why is the inevitable question, why?

Why was I everything, more than enough to a person, only to find that it wasn't good enough? Multiple times I told myself that I wans't good enough for him, fact is he's not good enough for me. I think that much is true, however, I don't know if that's all I want to say about being 'good enough.' What is good enough? I mean all my life I try my hardest to be good enough for me and everyone around me and it's just that time where I really ask myself, what is good enough? Is straight A's good enough? Does that complete who I am? Does having the life that people dream of make me good enough? Does my hair or my skin make me good enough? What about my personality and attitude, morals? Do those things make me good enough? Did that seem enough to him in his eyes or did he need more? If he needed more then what more was he lacking? I gave everything to him, heart, mind, body, and soul, but I don't think it was good enough... or may be it was and I just didn't know it.

Why did I deserve it? Did I annoy him... no, I thought I talked to him the amount he wanted me to talk to him.. in the beginning he made it clear, he wanted a relationship but not one where he was hassled. I didn't hassle him! I only wanted a phone call, a text, a simple paragraph every once in a while to tell me that he cared. To tell me that at the end of the day, I still mattered to him. I was more than just a phone call away, I was a text away, a silence away... I was never spiritually away, ever. I though I listened, I thought I heard what his soul was aching for and tried my hardest to complete it. So again, why did I deserve it? I never did anyone like this in my past, I never lied, okay only once... I never cheated, ever. I never hid anything from him, I was always honest, but it wasn't enough... again. What was good enough?

It isn't the fact that he's not here, but the fact that a broken heart remains because I never will ever have these two questions answered, ever. I will never know what the amount of perfection will be and never will know what the limitations of life will take me so I will always remained anonymous to my muse.