A DIFFERENT KIND of WMD

General B.S Master stepped to the podium, the medals on his uniform glittering in the auditorium lights like the sequins on a stripper’s g-string. The old soldier was certain that his announcement and accompanying demonstration would leave the audience in awe. What the old war horse was about to present promised to change how war was fought for the next century. More importantly to the old jar head, it assured that the United States would remain the world's preeminent military super power.

Using the pretense of adjusting the microphone attached to the podium, General Master scanned the crowd patiently waiting to hear what had brought them to the Pentagon. The who's who of the United States military were all in attendance. Admirals, Generals from one to five stars, and no shortage of spy masters were there to witness history.

"Ladies and gentlemen. My esteemed colleagues," Master started solemnly. "You all have been invited here to the heart of our nation's military operations to witness what we believe to be the end of destructive warfare." The general paused to take in his audience's reactions. What he saw was a mixture amusement and total disbelief.

Not wanting to invite a chaotic rush of questions, Master dove further into his explanation. "For centuries war has been fought using weapons of stick, stone, metal, and chemistry. The results were almost always catastrophic mass destruction and loss of human life. No longer." Master paused for effect, gauging whether or not his audience was willing to hear him out. Those in attendance continued to listen, using the patience borne of their military training, but the general realized that he would not be able to piss around for much longer. His audience was used to results, not pretty words. So, like a tank breaking through the enemy's defenses, Master pressed forward, determined to win over the skeptics.

"Our brilliant and dedicated scientists have been able to create a weapon made not of destructive physical substance, but one comprised of the human character. Thanks to the wonders of military technology we have successfully been able to weaponize human stupidity and arrogance." As the top brass predicted, Master's shocking announcement resounded in the room like a deafening thunder clap.

The audience's response to Master's announcement was a disgusted gasp. Shouts of, "This is absurd," and "You're out of your mind" greeted Master. Unfazed, the general smiled and raised his hands to stave off the words of disbelief.

"Now I understand your reticence." Master offered apologetically. "But didn't the military brass feel the same when the existence of the A bomb was revealed at the end of the Second World War?" The general argued.

Before the audience could offer up a counter argument, the general looked offstage and nodded. At his signal, the huge video screen that dominated the wall behind him filled the auditorium with its artificial light. On the screen, a well-known FOX news pundit was seen standing in front of an old five story hotel. The slick three piece suit clad cable news personality smiled confidently at the camera, totally unaware of what was about to happen.

Master’s glanced at the screen behind him and launched into the description of the weapon’s demonstration, “Ladies and gentlemen, using our classified laser technology, we can extract the essence of stupidity and arrogance from the douche bag you see on the screen behind me. Once extracted, the lasers then compress and condense the characteristics until it creates a vacuum similar to a miniature black hole. This vacuum is capable of destroying the building you see behind him.” Greeted by disbelieving silence, the general then whispered something into a small microphone attached to the lapel of his uniform. The demonstration was about to begin.

As the audience turned their gaze to the huge screen, they heard a loud electrical sizzle followed by a huge flare of red light. The huge screen went black as suddenly as it had come to life. General Master watched the now dead screen with a rising feeling of dread. Before he was able to formulate a response to the stunned audience, a visibly shaken corporal rushed and whispered in his ear. The news was bad. The demonstration had worked a little too well.

Before the general could bark an order, the screen behind him came back to life. The scene that was revealed was far different. Where the FOX personality had stood in front of the dilapidated hotel, there was nothing. Suddenly, the drone borne camera climbed high enough to show that the entire area for miles around the demonstration site was a black, smoking crater. Only a few buildings on the northern edge of the crater still stood.

From the audience a horrified voice screamed, “You blew up half of the city!”

Before the general could respond, the corporal at his side took charge of the microphone, “Technically, we imploded half the city and it was only Fresno.”

Still stunned, the general seized the microphone from his assistant, “Something must have went wrong,” the general stammered.

An admiral in the audience strode towards the stage, a furious look on her face, “Do you realize just what you have unleashed? Why, if we tried to access the stupidity and arrogance that is currently in the White house…”

A four star general completed the Admiral’s thought, “If the White House’s stupidity and arrogance were used, it would make our entire nuclear arsenal look like a handful of fire crackers!”

General Master smiled in response to the wisdom of his colleagues, “Exactly, and so long as our politicians remain arrogant and stupid, we have the entire world outgunned. World peace and the greatness of the United States are secure. As to Fresno, that shit hole will hardly be missed.”