Thoughts

26/04/15

Takes me a second to look back exactly an year and realize where I was then and where I am now. Things happened which I never expected. I lost it multiple times but I'm here now. Now I know what it means when they say "what doesn't kill only makes you stronger". Now I see how easily it trust can be broken... it takes a few harsh words... a little hate, betrayal and everything is gone... not all things can be healed with a hand shake... there's a limit to every pain.

I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought I knew mysef... that was foolish of me to expect. Truth is, that although the pain and the tears crashed me each and every day, all the mistakes I've made and all that I felt made me see who I really can be, even though to figure myself out completely will take me a lifetime of mistakes and I've learnt the hard way, that no matter how much we would like to think we are indistructible we will always have that weakness, that poison that we cannot help but love.

Life and whatever there is behind it, has a fucked up way to show you your place. It tests you and teaches you things no teacher or parent was ever meant to teach you. The most important things, you teach yourself by fucking up. No one is perfect. We are human and as such we are drawn to what we cannot have, we live for the impossible, we fall in love with big words and sweet talk.

I swear that words will be the death of me... There is something about a promise that makes you feel so safe. Something about a few words of love that make you feel so special. The challenge lays where you least expect it... when there are no more sweet words and you have to learn to love yourself.

Love yourself... for some people is so easy... for others it's the impossible.

I don't know about many things. I will never know about many things, but it gives me relief to finally know where I stand right now after such a long time of standing in the dark, never sure about things.

I've learnt to wait. Wait the misery out, that empty hole to fill. Forget about it, keep myself busy. Work harder, let myself go, lose control, but never completely. The night comes with the ghosts. Memories you cherish. Eyes you cannot forget. Words that cut deep. But it's ok.

I am young and I'm alive.