Too Much.

Do you ever just think about ending it sometimes? By "it" I mean everything. Living, breathing, existing. The whole shebang. Does it all just get too much sometimes? They say that I have everything to live. A future, happier days with more ahead of me. Maybe it's just teenage angst or constant self-torture but living just gets tpoo hard sometimes. People say I have everything in life. They say I have no reason to be sad. A loving family, friends, a great relationship. They don't understand what goes on inside my head.

There are days when I don't feel like functioning but I have to put on a smile and go. There are days when I cry myself to sleep because of the simple fact that I wish I would just disappear. They don't know what I see everytime I look in the mirror. The flaws and unending self-hatred. "I'm just tired." "I'm just a little stressed." "I'm fine." I've said these things so much it's like a one of those toys that has 3 catchphrases.

Nights of attempting to drink away the thoughts of what's wrong woth me. The attempts to sleep off every bad thought. No motivation to leave my bed but still the expectation to live by everyone around me. "Stop being so lazy." "Why aren't you eating?" "Why don't you talk?" The same questions and comments like a basic routine with those around me.

They just don't understand. Sometimes it all gets to be too much.