The Ultimatum of Optimum

″ You are not alone. There is nothing the world cannot offer you Babe.

Now where's my kiss?"

The salty tang in the air made my eyes water. The blowing sea breeze made my skin prickle. My hair blowing up in tufts made it look like a veil against my Army uniform. My hands were embodiments of ice by now. They were numb. But i liked them numb, maybe if i sat still enough i would turn numb too. Immune ,unaffected by everything. It wasn't pain, not necessarily. It was just the lack of pain , or anything really. The human craves touch. Why? To feel. The human kisses. Why? To feel. The human cries on loss. Why?

Cause it feels.

His hearty laughter rang within me. It captivated me, even after years. The low rumble it made in his throat, blossoming into a husky chuckle and then finally... full-blown laughter. It made me smile. His words echoed within my conscience and I instincitvely reached for the Army medals hanging on my uniform.

"You are the reason," I repeated to myself for perhaps the hundredth time that day," You are the reason why I am what I am. The world told me i had nothing. You told me the world was nothing, without me."

But the truth is, the world is nothing without you. Or maybe it is everything ,except you.

Laying there, pale and crumbling, a thousand machines hooked upto you, a thousand borrowed breaths. You still made me feel loved. You were still sweet,silly Samuel. And i was still me, broken and wrong. But you were my right. The gift you gave me satisfied me for my whole life. You were more then ' Babe' or ' Love'. You were what the world should have been like. Where love failed, you came. Where pride won, you humbled it. But when life came, your love was omnipresent .

I should have put up a harder fight,you know,kept you anchored to me. Maybe then you wouldn't have gone. I loved your warm wriggly toes, your messy coconut hair and your honest, heartwarming laugh.

Somedays i wish it was the only song on repeat.

Laying there, hanging by a single thread, i still wanted to show you the world. I tried to hold that thread, but you slipped through. Just a crack. A single crack is all it took. And poof! Just like that, conversations became memories, feel became feelings.

The salt in the air was now crusted on my cheeks. I rolled my tongue around in my mouth just to get a slight taste. The sting of salt quickly dissapated into a lingering tartness on the edge of my tongue.

I smiled.

Then as quickly i had come, i gathered up my thoughts(beleive me ,it's a tediuos job nowadays) and rolled off along, on my wheelchair.

12/05/18