Smiles

Smiles are superficial,

What lies behind that smile?

I said what lies are behind that smile are far less beautiful than smile,

Beauty and appeal are alluring,

Yet deceptive and not always intentionally so,

Living automatically and tragically in secrecy,

And so you fell for the smile.

As I fell in and out of happiness,

Trying to maintain my happiness,

Or some day believe I'm happy,

I will smile.

I will smile until it's real,

I will smile until it feels real and is really genuine,

I genuinely wish you would not try to see what's in my eyes,

So I smile.

Because if you were to look into the windows of my soul,

My teeth would not fool you,

My lips spread apart would not elude you from the reality that I've confined my pain with a pretty false remedy.

It's temporary so I can deal with it,

When I'm alone again,

It will fade away into tears of misery and pain without the ability to control the flow of that rain,

Torrential floods escaping from beautiful brown eyes,

You loved these eyes and then you looked deeper and saw tears welling inside them,

Your disguise almost fooled me.

Of course, you know how many days I managed to fool me?

It's not your fault that I'm such a good actress,

I just rather not practice that kind of honesty,

I'm honestly scarred and I can't trust you,

Because if you knew where I've been or what I did,

You might be too tempted to hush me and rush me into darkness,

So that I can save you,

So that I can praise you,

So that I can dig my grave for you,

So I smile.

Sometimes it keeps the vultures away,

Sometimes I start to crack and they slide right in with a smile and say hey,

So I don't know who you are or what you want today,

But I'll smile through my doubts and be sure to figure it out some other day.