Unlocked

When you hugged me on that rainy Tuesday five years ago, I knew I’d never see you again. You told me you wish you could stay with me on the sofa instead of having to go to that company event, but your soft brown eyes told me another story; they told me the truth, tossing a million silent goodbyes into the room. You couldn’t do it any longer. You couldn’t be what I needed you to be, and I wasn’t what you wanted. Not anymore. Our eyes locked just like they did that first time we met, but instead of longing, of yearning for me, they reflected an agonized guilty conscience. I stroked your warm cheek and ran my fingers through your thick brown hair, trying to imprint that final touch into my soul. You kissed me on the lips, opened the door, and left. It was then that I realized I was incurably in love with you. But it was too late. You were already gone, and your heart had no home for me. For you, it was the end, for me, just the beginning.

Before I met you, I was like a stray cat who had been tossed out to the streets: I trusted no one, I loved no one. You picked me up when no one else would and took me in. You became my home, you became my sanctuary when the outside world seemed to be going to hell. Nothing else mattered. You were the only one who managed to unlock the rusted lock around my heart. How was I to know I’d end up being homeless again? Left with no other choice, I continued to wander aimlessly through life, waiting for a chance encounter with another heart who’d perfectly fit the growing space in my own deformed heart.

They say time makes us smarter. I don’t feel smarter, I only feel restless. You see, I couldn’t wander forever, because the lock around my heart was broken and I was exposed. I longed to find my forever home. Needless to say, I made some grave mistakes along the road. But one day, I saw him at a bar. He was with his friends. Although his mouth smiled widely, his eyes remained frozen. When he asked me for my name, I could sense the distress in his voice. No one else but me knew he belonged nowhere. How did I never realize I could also be a home to someone? Someone like him.

Five years went by and I still find myself thinking about you from time to time in the darkness. I hear him breathing next to me, his hand resting carefree on my stomach. I smile as I remember the sound my lock made after crashing to the ground. I guess I am smarter. By clearing the unpassable path to my heart, you gave me the best gift anybody had ever given me: you enabled others to follow and enter this no man’s land. Now I am his home and I have you to thank for that.