A Letter I’ll Never Send

Dear My Love,

Was she worth it? Was she worth the pain you caused me? The never ending thoughts of why I wasn’t good enough. Was her body worth the price of me thinking mine wasn’t enough for you? Was her love better than mine? What did she offer that I couldn’t?

You told me that you loved her. You said you loved me more. You tell me she broke your heart but, if she asked, would you go running back with arms wide open? Do you still love her? I wouldn’t blame you if you do. Even after all we’ve been through, my one true love is still you.

I’m writing this knowing that I’ll never have the courage to send it to you. Maybe one day I will. Maybe that’ll be the day I finally tell you that all those times I say that I’ll “ttyl” are the same times that all I can think about is the fact that every cute thing you say to me is something I don’t doubt you said to her. “Sometime I forget to breathe but that’s usually when I look at you.” That made me smile, before I started wondering how many times you stared at her with adoration in your eyes saying that she takes your breath away. How many late nights you spent on the phone laughing about nothing and smiling for hours until you fell asleep. How many first times you had that I wish could’ve been with me.

You wonder why I stop talking for hours but I can never bother you with my reasons because, no matter what, I never want you to feel bad about what happened. I don’t want you to blame yourself for breaking me. I always knew that love was a dangerous game but I never knew what it meant to risk your whole heart.

I don’t regret staying by your side and I don’t believe that I ever will. I’m not naive enough to believe that I’m the only girl you’ve loved or even the only girl you’ll love. I just wish that I could be the last.

Love,

Your Bestfriend