I’m not crazy

Mom,

I stood at the door, hand wrapped around the knob ready to see the other side. The cold air brushed my nose, ever so gently. The snow fell on the trees, grass and bushes and made it look like a Christmas wonderland. I was in a daze, though my eyes read deceit. Heart pounding, chest rising, just a little anxious but we were ready. We walked in, couldn’t hear much, but noticed the perfectly stitched figures moving about. Strangely enough, food greeted me. The sweetness of the fruit activated my taste buds so much I could almost taste it. The saltiness of the greens made my eyes water. The crispy fried chicken made my soul jump up and dance. Then it hit me. I thought about Lexi, my daughter. Her smile lit up the room as her warm heart touched everyone that she came in contact with. She was gone in the blink of an eye, at the snap of a finger. She was always with me. There Ms. Sanderson stood, in between the couch and the food. Hate brewed in my heart and I wanted revenge, the bitterness of Ms. Sanderson’s soul couldn’t dare be around the sweetness of my Lexi. Maybe she thought it would be better if she were gone, so now we have a gift for her. “Today is going to be a good day,” I said as I smirked and mingled among the other guests. It was time to exchange gifts. Ms. Sanderson stood beside her son, who’s presence was disturbing and unnecessary. I made sure I went last because this was something no one could ever forget. I used her son in the presentation of the gift. We positioned him with his back towards us and commanded the attention of everyone in the room. Before we gave our gift, we said a couple of words. We spoke on how Ms. Sanderson had done so much and changed our whole life. She started to draw tears, but it wasn’t for the reason she thought. Continued on to say, “it wouldn’t have been this way without you” and said sorry Jacob. We pulled the same trigger that took her away from me. He plummeted forward laying limp in a pool of his thin, dark red blood. It flowed constantly and smoothly. Pop, pop, pop, it went as it flowed to stain the white carpet that was underneath. Gurgled so loud, sent chills down everyone’s spine. Cunningly we smiled and with one eyebrow arched, as we walked away feeling accomplished. Ms. Sanderson’s head filled with thousands of thoughts but didn’t dare show it on her face. She wondered why he would do something like this. He turned and said Lexi comes back to me in the form of dreams that turn into nightmares of what you did to her. How you tricked and manipulated her. She wanted to get back at you for the pain you caused me. She gave me the power and strength to do it and she will never forgive you. Like I said she is always with me.

From inmate #45603,

Jacob.

I constantly read this letter as I sat in my 8 by 10 ft cell. All I am now is a number in the system. We did what was right and I may be in here forever but just know I’m not crazy.