Long-Distance Joke

“Do you wanna hear a funny story?” he whispered on the phone.

“Sure. I’d love to.” With little else to say and his heart beating out of his chest, Thomas just listened to the sound of Louis’ voice.

“Well last night I went out, right? We went to The Valley again. I still can’t believe they let me in there.”

“I know right, they never really check your ID.”

“So I go there and I have a few with Jennifer. She’s the best. One day you’ll meet her.”

“Everything you say about her, she sounds great.”

“Well, after we were leaving and they were having the sidewalk sale outside…”

“Wait. What’s the side walk sale? Did they have like art booths out there?”

“Oh my god you are too cute. No! It’s when all the boys hang around outside after the bar closes. You know trying to get lucky one last time.”

“You went straight home, right?” He said. An instant shift had occurred. One minute lulled by the sound of his soft glowing voice, and the other felt as if the ground had given in. Praying to god that he did just go home.

“Well, yeah….but,” the tension in Thomas’s body grew with that one word. The word that closes the door on everything that came before it.

“There was this guy that followed me home. At first I was like, what a creep. But I was with Jennifer and my sister, so I knew I’d be alright…”

“Oh good, yeah your sister has that military training.”

“Yeah... I told you about that huh? You got a good memory babe.” Like a slow crash of soothing reassurance, just one little compliment melted him. If only for a moment.

“Well I went up to him and I asked him what he was doing.”

“You did what?”

“Yeah, I mean why not. So you know what he says back?”

“What?”

“’I was wondering if I could suck your dick?’”

Only hoping for one response and not wanting to even ask, Thomas said “So what did you say?”

“I said sure. I mean what’s the harm in that?”

Silence.

“We were only a few blocks from my apartment. So when we went back, I sent Jennifer on her way and my sister upstairs.”

Silence.

“Yeah, he was kinda weird. So I told him he could only do it outside, that he can’t come in.”

An ‘ah-ha’ may have escaped Thomas’s lips as he listened to it all unfold. His mind was a film projector, and it felt as if he was tied to a front row seat with his eyes glued open as each hideous image after another was being played out.

“I just took it out and he went down on me. Right there in the parking lot. I told him I was pos, but he didn’t seem to care.”

“Okay?” Not knowing what else to say.

“Yeah, he just left after that. Isn’t that just the funniest story you ever heard?”

Silence.

“Thomas? Are you there?”

“Yeah I’m here.”

“Are you okay? You sound different?”

A buzzing sound seemed to come over Thomas. Like the sound of vibration consumed him. Shook him to his very core. Making him warm. Hot in fact. It was only then that something wet seemed to be falling on his lap. Louis’s voice was as if he was speaking on the other side of the water, instead of on the other side of the phone. Garbled, faint, and unreal.

“Why did you do that?” Thomas asked.

“Well it was fun. Plus it just happened.”

“No it didn’t just happen, you let it happen!”

“Look, it was a one-time thing. It didn’t mean anything to me.”

“Somehow that makes it worse. Like sex means nothing to you. Like you don’t care.”

“I don’t. Sex is just sex.”

“How….how???” There was a question behind this but it just did not seem to get out. What he wanted to know was how could this happen? How could he have deserved this? How can this be fixed? How after all this time, all of this emotional investment, all this love be cut down for a cheap thrill?

Louis’s voice was silent. Taking in what he had done. Finally, the slow heaves of crying were broken.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You don’t know. You have no idea of how you’ve hurt me. It feels like being stabbed in the chest over and over again, but all I can do is just sit and take it because there is nothing I can do.”

Silence.

“I’ve got to go.” Louis said. His voice still and calm. Different.

“I… I…”

“Yes? Look I’ve got to go, my sister is calling me.”

“HOLD ON!”

“Fine.”

“I love you.”

“No you don’t.”

“What?”

“I said no, you don’t”

“How the hell do you know how I feel.”

“You don’t love me. You can’t, no one really does.”

Silence.

“Look I’m going now. We’ll talk later.”

“No no wait!” Silence was on the other line. Thomas looked and the screen said the call had ended.

Thomas stared at the phone for an eternity. Not wanting what had just happened to be real. Wishing it was a dream. Maybe the numb aching feeling of his whole body was a dream. The pile of tissues on the floor, just an illusion. The image of the man he loved, getting blown by a nameless man, if only it could be etched out of his mind. But it could not. That scene would be with him. Not just for the sleepless night ahead; but for any wandering glance, casual compliment, or the faintest of smiles. It would be with him, and never leave.