Ryan

Being a bridesmaid is a part time profession of mine. I have some work coming up this weekend and I am going to slay, I can feel it. The catch this time is one of my one of my ex-loves is going to be a guest and the girl who was a part of our relationship ending is a bridesmaid with me.

I saw Ryan and fell for him in the same instant. We became friends, he was interested, we went on a few dates until he decided he was working too much and wanted to wait until he had more time to devote to me. We retained a close friendship that I thought was so much more while we were waiting on him to “have more time.” I attended family weddings with him, we traveled the U.S. together, his sister commented on how she hadn’t seen his eyes light up the way they did when I walked into a room. People in our different communities thought we were dating, if not engaged or married.

He was about to leave for Africa for five months, and before he left we went on a two week trip together. The day before we left he told me he should probably tell me he isn’t interested in me romantically anymore. He said he had forgotten to make that clear, remembering that over a year earlier he had left that door wide open and “forgot” to shut it. We went on the trip, me confused and angry and heartbroken the whole time. His second day in Africa I got a message saying we shouldn’t talk while he is gone. We didn’t speak at all, and I waited for my heart to mend. He flew back home after those five months and called me from the airport wanting to see me. I was incredulous and asked what the hell he thought. He came over and I told him I wasn’t going to do this, that I had been in love with him for over a year, finding out it wasn’t mutual before he disappeared and didn’t speak to me, and we couldn’t be friends like before. That was the first fight. He cried and told me he understood, but he did love me. For months I was able to keep him at arm’s length and then all the sudden it was as if nothing happened. We were sharing a car, he was cooking my meals, and I was driving him to work and picking him up. We had entered a relationship he called symbiotic, and I called love.

Fast forward three years, we’re laying on the couch together watching Curb Your Enthusiasm and a text runs across the screen. He forgot his phone was hooked up to the TV and I saw that Trisha kept texting. Trisha is his sister’s name, and therefore the person that he had convinced me he was texting so much in previous weeks, except this time, he had “be-friended” so many Trishas that he had started having to put a distinction next to them. Trisha Sister, Trisha Bar, Trisha Hairstylist. Trisha Bar was the one who happened to have her text flagged on the screen. She was wondering if he wanted to meet up later. I turned to him with a rage and a whoosh of relief as simultaneous as only three years of loving and hating can bring. I said I can’t do this anymore. I stood up, shook my head, and walked out the door.

We stopped speaking, and that was that. I was convinced I wouldn’t have to talk to Ryan again, and the negative connotation I had towards Trisha was a mute point as there was no way I was running into her. And for three years of new jobs, homes, and making new friends I didn’t. That is, until I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding. With Trisha. And with Ryan as a guest.

The wedding is here and I am nervous, the bridesmaids have parties planned for the whole week. Trisha and I somehow end up next to each other at almost every function. The one person the bride told me I would not share a table with at the rehearsal dinner and who ended up having her place card directly next to mine? Trisha. And you know what I discovered? I love Trisha. She is hilarious, gorgeous, kind, feisty and honest as hell. The wedding came, and I remembered I would be seeing Ryan. Our first interaction came when he caught my arm and said hi, how are you? Do you want to stand in line with me for cocktails? I said no. Hours later he found me again on the dance floor, pulled me aside and we caught up. And do you know what I discovered then? That I am thriving, and he is exactly the same.