Josephine

Sitting on the ground next to the bed in a deafening silence. She was going to grab a chair but she didn’t and now she just sat there, holding little Josephine’s lifeless hand.

Josephine had passed away placidly and apathetic, representative of the her life up until that point. While it was expected, the tranquility of it all was still disturbing. The little girl was born with a rare disorder that rendered her fully paralyzed, unable to speak or show any emotion. At birth, doctors predicted she will only live for a few months, a year at best. That was seven years ago. Seven long years of her caring for a living doll’s every need, a daughter who would never be able to look into her eyes. Seven years of her every though and action revolving around Josephine.

The realization of what had just happened started seeping in. As she looked at Josephine, she felt a warm tear rolling down her face hitting the corner of her mouth. A corner turned up. Was she smiling? What was this? Relief? Tears of happiness? She quickly wiped the tear away together with the smile. She fell into a pool of nausea at the though, what kind of mother rejoices at her own daughter’s passing?!

“No! Burry it! Burry this feeling and never bring it back! Never speak of it to anyone! You will live with this guilt alone, that would be your punishment!”

The thought of an atonement allowed her to regain some self control. She stood up, surprised she could feel her legs again. “I must make arrangements” she said out loud to her self. She pulled on the blanket covering Josephine and smoothened out any small crease as she was used to doing everyday.

She took one last look at Josephine’s livid face and left the room.