What “Self-Care” Really Means

Yeah, self-care can really be that simple. That term gets thrown around a lot. Sometimes I love it, sometimes I think it's the most self-centered and shallow idea I've ever heard of. Just hearing the phrase "treat yo'self" makes me feel vaguely nauseated. It all depends on the context. The truth is, many people don't really have the luxury of indulging in "self care" as it's presented in glossy magazines depicting smooth-skinned models with snow-white teeth and plastic smiles. People who live paycheck-to-paycheck, or live in poverty, or work multiple jobs, or deal with racial/gender discrimination on a daily basis, or struggle to make ends meet don't exactly have the time and money to go to the spa or take "mental health days" or spend 30 minutes meditating each morning. Hell, I know I don't have the time/means to do those things on a regular basis. I also find that "self-care" is incredibly gender-specific--after all, when was the last time you heard someone telling a male-identifying person to practice "self-care"? It seems to specifically target a white, female, middle-to-upper class audience, which I find problematic and incredibly exclusive. So I propose a new, revised definition of self-care, as follows:

It means acknowledging your own prejudices and biases, and responding to these not with guilt or shame, but with a determination to educate yourself and be open-minded about changing your perspective.

It means having the strength to stand up for your beliefs, and the humility to admit when you're wrong.

It means learning to share your emotions and feelings with a fellow human being(s), and remembering that although you cannot control what you feel, you can, in somecases, control how you respond to these emotions.

It means cultivating empathy and compassion for yourself and for others.

It means treating your body with dignity and respect, and remembering just how fucking amazing the human body is.

It means stepping outside your comfort zone and trying new things.

It means learning to recognize both your strengths and weaknesses, and figuring out how you can utilize them to make positive changes--for yourself, for others, for the community, for the world.

It means finding that delicate balance between destructive perfectionism and sloppiness.

It means taking deep breaths.

It means acknowledging your past mistakes, but not dwelling on them to the point where it paralyzes you from moving on with your life.

It means taking responsibility for your mistakes.

It means learning when to draw boundaries, and when to step beyond them.

It means become better listeners.

It means doing your own independent research, and not blindly believing something that you are told.

It means practicing both skepticism and faith.

It means not saying destructive, harmful, and demeaning things like "boys don't cry" or "racism doesn't exist" or "suck it up and be a man" or "women are hysterical."

It means fighting against injustice in whatever way you can.

It means learning your own unique coping mechanisms, and figuring out whether or not they are healthy and constructive.

It means knowing when to ask for help.

It means not being afraid to ask questions.

And so much more.