Ruth

My grandmother always made me feel special and I adored her. She taught me to love books and made the best pussy willow Valentines Day card holder ever seen at my elementary school. I remember sitting in the back seat with her on family trips and cuddling close to her while she read to me. It was pure childhood happiness.

As I grew older I understood that my grandmother had a dark and secret side. She and my grandfather fought constantly and she would leave for months. She would usually find a nanny job in another state and I would wonder why those kids were getting all her attention instead of me.

We learned her darkest secret when I was a teen. A family friend accidentally revealed that my grandmother had been married as a very young woman. She had a son and for reasons no one knows she left them both and traveled across the country to start a new life.

We speculated about this endlessly, spinning tales and stories to match the little information we had. But no one was allowed to ask her about it. It was universally accepted in our family that it would kill her to learn that we knew her secret.

Still I wonder. What if we had asked?

"Hey grandma, about that other family you left behind. What's up with that?"

None of us had the nerve. So we let her take the secret to her grave. I still miss her and think about how tormented she must have been, living with that secret deep in her soul. And it amazes me to know that no one else ever made me feel as important as she did. I hope she somehow knew that.