of men and monsters

“The carousel never stops turning. You can’t get off”

I’ve heard it before, a crumpled mess in the corner of my bed. My bed can seem so big at times when I lay in the corner and hear the noise outside my window until the sun goes down. I was the same, a year ago. The carousel never stops turning.

I am not saying I am not a mess. I am saying I’ve been a mess too many times to let it define me. So the gods against me have made me a mess once again. They’ve done it all for love and if love couldn’t be wrong. Why is there a knot on your throat. When you think about what you’ve done? You can’t get off.

I wonder if people think of me that way.

Am I some sad walking reminder of how vicious, ungodly, shitty they’ve been?

Normally an earthly insignificant creature like me doesn’t have the power to but tonight, tonight’s bright and burning. So tonight I am giving them a pass. A one way non refundable ticket straight out of the depths of whatever cave they’re hiding in.

A pass because I am so much more than that, they’ve given me the freedom to be so much more than what they tried to make of me. It doesn’t really change anything, does it? An easy fix for me to sleep better at night. I look down to my shaking hands and there is no blood. In my rainy days it pours but when I find the sun I am blinded, because unlike you, my suns not surrounded by clouds.

I once lost my mind, now I know it is always better to let go. Because we don’t look the same from up There and I know the truth.

He is here and he is bright and beautiful. There is not a drop of blood in my white flag, to know I am much more is enough. The carousel never stops turning.

The carousel won’t stop turning but seasons go by and I let them change me. I am much more than winter. I’ve come up for fresh air once again and it is clean. They say what you do defines you, not what’s been done to you. So I give them a pass, to let go of the pain you caused that wasn’t good enough to take a step back, still crying wolf.

You can get off, you can’t turn around, all you can do is sit and wait until it’s over, so I lay my head at night in peace. Do you?