Chapter 8 - Susie

I’m in the dark again.

Mama always said that when I was scared, all I had to do was sing.

I had a beautiful singing voice, she said.

Maybe I could grow up to be a famous singer.

But I didn’t. I ended up here.

I sing, anyway.

Mama and Papa never talk about Jesse, and Lanie told me never to ask them.

We lived back in Kansas when I was a babe. Jesse was older than Lanie, he was 7 when she was 6 and I was 2. I don’t even remember it.

It was six years ago, then. He would be 13 now, if he was with us.

It was 1930, during the Dust Bowl. The dust storms came all the time, and Lanie and Jesse knew never to go out in one, because they would get lost and breathe in the dust and die.

But Jesse was out playing when one came out of nowhere.

They found him later. Buried under the sand dunes. We put him in the ground, gave him a nice gravestone, and left for Oregon, where there were no dust storms.

Mama and Papa found this place, and I grew up here my whole life. I didn’t remember my brother, it was just Lanie.

Lanie told me that Jesse was in heaven, probably, and maybe he was an angel, too.

I always wanted to be an angel, to be able to fly with white-feathered wings, and a little golden halo.

Mama had the prettiest voice, just like mine.

She always wanted me to use my talent, but I never got to. I sang in the church choir, but Mama always wanted me to do more.

She wanted something better for me and Lanie than spending our lives on the farm.

I had watched the sun rise and set in the sky countless times before I realized that I wasn’t hungry. Just cold, and tired. I want to go, but I can’t get out.