88 & Change

Dear younger Brian,

Your wasting your time being nice. Consider stealing someone's identity and move to a non extradition country where people don't use computers very much. I know you have principles but frankly it never gets much better. You have good moments and lousy moments and you probably want some tips to navigate rough waters.

Fiber, for the love of pete kid eat some fiber before it becomes mandatory.

Invest in meat before 2023 because the vegans force that stuff to become an underground black market situation and you'll clean up selling hotdogs to angry non-smokers.

I'd say move to another country but after 2020 they are all basically France.

Buy a shotgun.

Buy a few shotguns, because you lose the first shotgun in a game of high stakes bolgna poker.

Don't call your grandson a wuss, he ends up paying for your nursing home and the orderlies here have cold hands.

Make friends with that crazy neighbor up the road who makes furniture out of old pallet wood. He ends up doing pretty well once they legalize weed.

Toss out your inventions notebook and start drawing up plans for an enormous inflatable woman, because that catches on for some reason in 2038. Make sure she's wearing a burka and can apologize to passers by.

Lottery numbers July 12th (I think) 12,22,32,44,14, and 6. If those don't win the mega then move to Mexico because they're about to have a revolution and the next silicon valley pops up in Guadalajara shortly after.

Future gadgets to watch out for...

After drones become mainstream the crotch-wiring age begins, apparently to get tax breaks you have to let the government watch you do pretty much everything until 2041 when they realize we're all pretty boring.

I'll end this here, President Bieber was just shot. Third time this week!

Stay warm!

~ Brian