Exotic Color

You just left and I miss you already.

Sure, at the time, I wanted you to leave as much as you seemed you wanted to leave, and I was angry and hurt.

You let me have it, and I let you have it.

Now, neither of us have it.

It makes me seem desperate, sure, that I’ve already called you. I’m sure you’ve seen it come up on your screen, that picture of us on the beach in Santa Cruz. And you ignored it.

I can’t ignore that, it’s the day that has been playing in my head, even while I was yelling at you. How we walked down the beach, then back up, just for the hell of it. Because we had all day. Because we had all our lives.

We don’t anymore, though, do we?

You’ve probably swiped me into your voicemail again, so I’m just going to talk to it.

I want you to come back.

I hope you check this before you get too far away.

There is going to be so much emptiness in this house, in this life, without you in it.

I’ve heard you say it a million times, I’m being too dramatic, I’m strong, I can make it just fine without you.

Here’s something you’ve never heard me say.

The drama of my life is you, the color, the feel of your skin on mine, and it’s an exotic feel, and it’s home, all at once. If I’m too dramatic, so be it.

Another swipe, huh? OK, I’ve got more to say.

You’re strong, too, stronger than you think, but I think you know we’re stronger together, something we’ve both forgotten the last few hours.

Survival will happen for us both, but, like Mama told us, survivin’ ain’t livin’, honey.

The machine cuts me off again, but I know you haven’t, like I won’t be able to do to you.

Electronics aren’t working, I’ll try reaching out into the nether.

I close my eyes, I speak the words Come back to me, there’s nothing to say, only something we need to feel, only to myself.

The nether doesn’t need my echo to get the job done.

I’m realistic enough to know the nether’s not why I see your headlights in the drive.

But I’m hopeful enough not to discount it either.

You come in, you sweep me up in your life again, and I’m back on the beach like I wanted to be all along, rolling in color.