Fuck winter

So it’s cold and I’m over-heated. I mean it’s not that cold but fuck all if I’m not hot as shit literally sweating through my nose and it can’t be because I drink too much it must be because of something else like global warming or fuck all if I know but I know it’s something other than me.

And I go to bed shivering and wake up in cold/hot sweats and how in the hell is that possible and I don’t know but I know because it happens to me.

And I wake up with the weight of too much swirling around my head and those thoughts travel down and stab me in the belly like an ice pick and I go out to smoke around 3 and it rarely helps so late but I still do it and I don’t even know why other than to shake the ghosts.

And when I lay back down with 2 hours left I try goddamn I try to imagine something else and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t because my brain won’t SHUT THE FUCK UP.

And it’s because of her I know it is and she knows it too but she keeps pretending like she doesn’t but I know she knows because I’ve known her for too long and I see that look on her face all sly and scheming and beautiful. But fuck all if I know.