The Fall
My palms sweat,
My face burns,
My legs are on fire,
My feet tingle,
My toes curl,
Your lips leave mine and I smile.
My heart is beating quickly,
And all I can say is 'I love you'
You say it back.
My heart flutters,
And we place our foreheads against each other's.
I look into your deep blue eyes,
Blue as the sea
And you say you love me..
I say it back.
Between the sound of our breaths,
And the beating of our hearts,
I have so much to say,
But I do not know what.
So I tell you you are beautiful,
You say thank you.
I stare at the space between us,
And feel your vibrations in the air.
I have so much to say,
But I do not know how to say it,
So I tell you a story.
I tell you I had a crush on a girl for 5 years,
From the day I met her,
To the day she disappeared.
I wish I had told her how I felt.
I never did.
I thought about it,
I calculated every response,
I had numbers for every outcome.
But I never predicted her disappearance.
I never knew how she went,
I dreamt of pirates and canons.
Of street races and cop cars.
I dreamt up fantasies.
But she just left,
On an ordinary monday.
The sun still rose,
And the clouds still moved.
I still got up.
I tell you this and you smile.
Your lips curl up at the corners,
And you say you love how I am with numbers.
I tell you I love numbers because they never change,
They always have a set value,
You can do so much with them,
But they never change.
1 will always equal 1,
2 will always equal 2,
And i will always equal to the amount of love I have for you,
Immeasurable,
An imaginary number with a quantity so large that it is deemed immeasurable,
Therefor imaginary.
Then it all turns around,
And 1 still equals 1,
2 still equals 2,
And i is still equal to the amount of love you had for me,
Immeasurable,
An imaginary number with a quantity so small that it is deemed immeasurable.
Therefore imaginary.
I tell you another story.
I say I loved you,
From the day I met you until the day I hurt you.
I wished I had a chance to take it back.
I calculated every possibility,
I had the numbers for everything.
But I never predicted your disappearance.
I dreamt of another man,
I dreamt of I love you's,
And another set of lips.
I dreamt of someone else.
But I know how you left—
You left with pain,
And anger,
And hate...
You left on an ordinary Monday.
The sun still rose
And the clouds still moved.
I still got up,
But I did not smile.
I got up with the pain of hurting you bearing on my shoulders.
I get up,
And I go to all the places we ever went,
Like a man visiting his home again,
I feel like I am trespassing here.
It does not feel the same.
The corner where we kissed,
No longer feels like home.
The coffee shop where we met,
No longer feels like home.
So I sit,
And I wait.
For you.
I try to catch a glimpse of an Angel.
I go everywhere.
Trying to find you,
Longing for the silence between our breaths,
The pulsing of our heartbeat.
I do not find it.
Then one day,
Years later,
Sitting at a bar,
I see you,
Sitting there all alone.
I can hear your breath,
Feel your heartbeat in my throat.
I walk over and you seem surprised.
I have so much to say but I do not know what.
My heart is beating quickly,
And all I can say is I love you.
You do not say it back.
So I go home.
I go to my balcony,
My palms sweat,
My face burns,
My legs are on fire,
My feet tingle,
My toes curl,
I feel your lips on mine,
And I smile.
Then, I fall.
On an ordinary monday.
The sun still rose
The clouds still moved.
But I did not get up.