Selfish

They say I'm selfish.

They ask, why would I throw my life away, when some people had it taken away from them? They say, I'm so lucky to still be alive when other people aren't; why can't I appreciate that?

But every single time, I can't answer them. Every single time, I go quiet. Not because I am doubting myself, not because I've lost. Because every day, I ask myself the same question. Every day, I ask myself, why do I hate this?

To that I say; because life rolled downhill and it didn't stop. It was an endless rollercoaster that kept going down and down and down. It was falling down a hole and not knowing how to climb back up. It was crying yourself to sleep every night because you hated yourself, because you hated the world...

It was wishing for this, now, falling. The feeling of the cold breeze on my face and the beeping of cars, and screaming... the feeling, the sight of the grey stone pavement so close. So close now, I can feel it. Just a few more feet and I'll be free.

I'll be free.