From First to Last

When my eyes met your chocolate brown ones for the very first time,

My heart stopped. My breathing no longer continued.

I could not bring my chest to rise and fall

or my lungs to fill with oxygen.

I was breath taken.

You are breathtaking.

As a person who has always known the right words to say,

I was pretty damn speechless.

I had no words for the type of feeling that I was experiencing—

why my heart was still,

But also racing,

No explanation for the lump in my throat

Or the choked “hello” that squeaked out of it.

When my eyes met yours for the first time,

I knew.

I knew you would become my gravity.

Holding me to this rock in space that we both call home.

How lucky could I be to live on the same planet as someone as beautiful as you.

With someone who had skin as soft as yours,

Teeth as white,

Smile as lovely as yours.

How I could be so lucky is beyond me.

When my eyes met yours for the second time—

I was just as speechless.

Even after having gone home and practiced my “hello”,

My “are you busy”,

My “we should hang out sometime”,

I still choked out a half a phrase and a smile.

I have never been speechless before,

But now, every time I see your smile, I can not find my words,

And I stumble over the ones that I can.

I wish I knew what to say to you,

But for now, a smile will have to suffice.

When we hugged for the first time

It was a warmth spreading throughout my body.

The slow, thawing of my battered and frozen heart.

You were not scared of my battered and frozen love.

You welcomed it.

And then, when my hand touched yours for the very first time I almost collapsed.

You made my knees go weak.

The jolt of electricity that shot through my body was impossible ignore,

And made it just as impossible to breathe.

I sharply inhaled and I felt a throbbing in my heart,

I looked at you and you smiled.

It was radiant.

You are radiant.

Giving off the best vibe even when you are unhappy,

Even when you do not want to smile,

Even when you have reopened the scars on your arm—

You make me feel warm inside.

And when my lips finally touched yours for the first time,

They burned.

My ears grew hot,

My face turned bright red.

The exhilarating rush you gave me when your lips pressed against mine in an unpracticed kiss, was indescribable.

Making me want to scream,

But in fear of what words, or noises would come out,

I remained silent.

I told you I enjoyed it.

The second time you kissed me,

We stayed there a bit longer,

Parted our lips a little more,

Held each other a little tighter.

The third time,

And the fourth,

It got even better.

Every time we would pull away and smile,

Look each other in the eye and tell the other that we enjoyed it.

What I have wanted to say is,

”kiss me again”

Or “never let me go”

Or “gosh, I could kiss you for ever.”

So please,

Kiss me,

Never let go,

Because I could kiss you forever.

Hold me in your arms and hold me there forever.

And as my lips fall onto yours for what could be the last time,

Never pull away.

Kiss me forever.

For I am scared of what will happen if you do not.

Please, do not leave me.

Kiss me again,

Never let go.

And now,

As my eyes lay on yours for what could be the very last time.

I feel sad.

I feel a type of sadness I have never felt before.

I feel my heart hurt.

I am speechless,

I do not know what to say.

So I say nothing.

My heart stops.

My breathing no longer continues.

I can not bring my chest to rise and fall or my lungs to fill with oxygen.

So I hold your hand in mine, for what could be the very last time.

I think about the things I may do without you.

How, I will wander into the middle of intersections

And climb to the top of buildings, leaning over the edge,

Begging the earth to reclaim me.

I will get as far from the ground as possible for, on me, it has lost it’s gravity.

It can no longer hold me here for,

You no longer hold me here.

So I will savor this moment,

And every moment before.

Kiss me again,

Never let me go.