Like a beached whale

Uhg, it hurts.

Crusty, dried bile sits in the back of my throat like sand. It doesn’t necessarily hurt as much as it makes me want to vomit more. Well, I assume I’ve vomited. I’m not sure which would be worse: vomit or sand in the back of my throat. God, my mouth’s dry. I take a deep breath through my nose and exhale with a cringe as the smell of something fowl races out of my lungs.

Okay, so Malibu is now on the ‘Do Not Drink in Excess’ list. It *should* be on the ‘Do Not Drink AT ALL’ list, but I have a a sweet tooth when it comes to- ugh. Oh god.

My stomach churned at the thought of anything alcoholic, like a small gremlin has crawled into my body and decided that anything remotley close to the inhibitor should induce a form of punishment. That’s fair.

Alright, water. I neeeeeeeed water. And some sort of pain medcation. Like- stat. Hah, imma doctor.

A rough texture cuts into my cheeks and I realized I had smiled and laughed externally at my own lameness. Cool, hope no one’s around. I don’t wanna open my eyes to find out though, honestly. Especially because I am almost positive I have fallen asleep outdoors.

A gravel like substance is cradling my body that can only be natures own ground, unless there is some new fad with beds? Dumb fad, don’t make it a thing... or make it a thing and make millions- organic bedding: you have back problems because original humans slept on rocks! Dear lord, it’s sad because it would sell.

Okay, come on. upupup upup. Get up. Let’s go, new day. Stuff to do. was yesterday friday or sunday? Shit, am I missing work right now? UP.

I turn my head towards the warmth that was almost painful on my back and became blinded as a brightness that fought through my closed lids aggressively made its presence known. That is the sun, I’m definitley outside. Fuck dude. Where am I?

“Mmmmgrrrr” another deep breath through the nose, but this time I let the awful smell bring me around like smelling salts would a fainted fragile woman of the old days. Maybe if I pretend I’ve only fainted from the shock of some horrible telenovela-like news I’ll be less miserable. I am a LADY, after all.

The gravel shifts away and rushes towards my face, some getting into my nostrils as I huff loudly at my own dumb antics. I am not funny, stop laughing. Jesus. Water. Undo that “miracle” and make the wine in my system water once more. Please? Puleease?

A natural, harsh light offends my eyes as I finally relax my lids. Attempting to adjust to what must have been the midday sun, I open them slowly while rolling my body away from the shade I had either created myself or no doubt intelligently found last night. There is noise here, it’s dull though, like I was hearing it from under water. I yawn to pop my eardrums and regret the action immediatley.

Loud.

Very loud. So, confirmed there are people around, some of them screaming children- but not like terrified kind of scream, these kids sounded like they were having the time of their lives. Lucky.

There is definitley water downwind from me, the sound of waves hitting land was thunderous and very unwelcome and based on the smell of fresh salt water, I’m going to assume it’s the ocean. Now, that’s a problem. There is no ocean in Missouri yet, I’m pretty sure we still have a couple of years before the midwest becomes beachfront. So, to put it articulately- what the fuck.

I take a hit of physical pain to look around fully and see I am on a beach with far too many signs in spanish. Now, it’s been a while since I took spanish in University, but I’m pretty sure this is Mexican spanish. I really hope it is, because of all the spanish speaking countries to end up, Mexico is the closest to home.

It is now that I notice I have earned a small audience. Mostly children, a couple of teenagers and one adult rushing over to see what the ruckus is about. This must be what beached sea life felt like when it washes up in a tourist area.

“Hola.” The word was familiar but my voice was not, my vocal chords strained and screamed as I pushed the word past my damaged throat. Some of the children took a step behind others who put on a brave face, I was now some sort of monster to be faced. Great. “Como estas?” I coughed to clear the bile from my throat, and winced as I felt chunks of the fowl smelling stuff fall further down my esophagus. “Donde estoy?”

“Aye! Mama!” a shrill voice reverberated against my eardrums and wracked against my brain like a battery ram. Every part of my being wanted to curl into myself and shut this harsh offending world out, but a more rational part of me figured if me simply talking scared the young ones, I might get kicked with a sudden movement like that. I was some weird white lady on the beach after all. They probably thought something was wrong with me. I mean, there is, but still...

The adult went from speed walking to running as she heard what I could only assume was her child call out to her. She spoke quickly and harshly to the kids, who soon dissapated at her request. “Are you hurt?” Her tone was soft and gentle, refreshing compared to the other sounds from this place. Like a breath of fresh, non-pukey air.

I sat up slowly and assessed, I was definitley sore and weak but not injured. That’s good. “No, but I need help. Ayuda me? Where am I?”

“Ala Playas de Rosarito. Baja California, Mexico.” Cool.