Fettered

I am watching them through the window not knowing how it will end, unable to decide whom I want to win. The web is hanging from the pillar on one side, connected by the arborvitae on the other, with an angle that wouldn't have been my first choice, but I am not a spider. The pillar is peeling paint, but perfectly aligned beside the arborvitae giving me just the right amount of privacy I seek from the street. Not even the mailman knows I watch him from the window when he crosses. Before the arborvitae was planted and before my hair was gray, I would sit out there on the porch, sipping tea and I would wave to all the passersby, and they would wave back. Some of them knew my name; I theirs. And if I saw a web, I would walk to the shed and fetch the broom, not apologizing to the spiders as I removed their home. Because back then I had the interest and the strength, still believing that a proper porch shouldn't have webs randomly hanging from the rafters and pillars. Jason….., no, Jerrod, was the mailman's name at the time, and I always put five dollars in his Christmas card, to thank him, but he's long retired, and his replacement wears headphones every day only waving to the music. And besides, I find no reason to thank someone for making me go out there to pick up junk mail, and then again to put out the recycle? Peapod now gets the five dollars, but not in a Christmas card. Even if I could still drive, home delivery of groceries just makes sense.

This year, and for several years, since the arborvitae has matured, the birds have been coming to make their nests, even though I can no longer afford to put out feed. They have staked their claim, and have a right to do so, because what happens out there with the birds is nobody's business. So it might seem like I am on the side of the birds, but that's not entirely true. It's been a long time since I've believed the spiders don't belong where they decide to make their home. If some of them are bold enough to make their way inside, and I am able to see them, I could just step on them, and be done with them, but I don't. I take the time to pick them up and put them back on the porch where they belong. And now they will all just have to fight it out without any further intervention from me. So I watch from the window. The birds have to eat, and so do I.