I Like to Shower Sometimes.

I like to shower sometimes. The water dripping down my neck and face as I lather soap onto my body. Sliding down my thighs, knees, and legs. Exposed I stand, as the water consumes me into its’ freshness.

I like to shower sometimes because I can think. I think of a dark grey sky. A bright blue lake. A serene green forest. A dazzling purple castle dotted with shining red gems.

I like to shower sometimes because I can think, but sometimes, I cannot control my thoughts. Suddenly, a raven appears in front of me. Cawing and beseeching to me. It reaches out to me in a kind gentle way. And then two million or so others come flying in, soaring through the sky angrily. Four stood next to the poor creature. The vile beings who stood opposing bit and teased at the raven, my friend. She stood there while others tore upon her skin. And slowly, one of my raven’s friends fled. And another, and another, and the last one too. They claimed they had to leave for reasons they could not explain. My raven was left alone again. I tried to reach out and help; I really did. But what could I do when the raven didn’t want my help. She wanted to drown in the bright blue lake. She wanted to grab a branch from the serene green forest and cut her feathers off. She wanted to use the shining red gems from the dazzling purple castle for unspeakable reasons.

And then the raven let out a tear. A tear of despair and sadness. A tear to cry for help. A tear that slid down her upper cheek and landed in the crook of her beak. The raven’s eyes burned and more began to fall. All of the millions of ravens in front of her laughed. They pointed and teased even harder. They called her a crybaby.

‘But I am no crybaby,’ the raven thought. ‘I have feelings. Do you not know what feelings are? Why can I not express my feelings? Like you express your anger through teasing me and calling me names. You express your happiness through a smile. Why did letting salty water out of your eyes become so vile. Something looked down upon in the Raven Realm.’ And she cried, I tell you. The raven cried for days and days. And the others laughed for days and days.

Nothing had changed, but the raven looked up and smiled. She exclaimed, look a sun. A bright ray of sunshine flew through the air and onto her ruffled feathers. She laughed in delight and exclaimed, ‘I am free.’ And faded away.

The silly dream haunted me for ages. I stood in the shower as I lathered my body in soap and cried. What was wrong with me? Why this story?

So many thoughts flooded my mind; unable to organize them, I burst. No longer consumed in the water, I stood dismayed as the heat burned through my skin.

I gasped and plunged into the water. I had immediately started analyzing scene by scene. Was this a reflection of me?

It was unbearable to think of that. Too much to handle, I had thought. No one understands me. What do I really have left in here? Is it possible to drown myself in a shower? Yet, every time I had picked up that razor, I had never made a cut.

Was I scared? And I wondered for ages about that.

That raven came to me as a blessing, I believe. It looked me in the eye and told me there was a way out.

But then there was another story. The raven still cried and the others still teased. Except nothing happened. There was no sunshine. There was no end to the suffering. Of course, if the raven doesn’t put any effort, how will it get out of its’ situation? It’s rational thinking.

But as humans, we have emotional thinking too. Every time I finish this story, the raven looks in the lake and its’ reflection is my face. I am always the raven.

I have consciously made a story which reflects my being. My thoughts. My emotions. Which way should I choose? Which story should I choose?

Regardless of this story, everyday I spend time crying. Releasing all of the pent up stress and worries. Letting go of my thoughts; myself. I know my ray of sunshine won’t come beaming in. I know nothing will change just because I let out salty water from my eyes. They say the eyes are windows to your soul. Can you see my sad, depressing soul now?

I like to shower sometimes because I can think, but sometimes, I cannot control my thoughts, although I am in complete control. Tears merge with the hot shower water as I finally find peace. I am no crybaby. I am simply a human who likes to shower sometimes.