The Story of the Cyclops Cave
We had wandered for miles along the coast, every minute expecting to find the quaint beachside bar advertised in the brochure. But to no avail.
The last of our water was used and the sun beat down like a beating sun.
“Whose bloody bright idea was this?” moaned Tex.
“I told you we should have just stayed in town and done a pub crawl round all the bars. Some stag week this is!”
Billy sighed.
“Look Tex we’ve got four days here. We can’t just hammer the local bars every day. We’ll be there soon.”
As Billy spoke, they turned a bend in the path. Below them was a miracle. Unless it was a mirage!
Two tables full of beer glasses. All brim-full and crystal cold.
The four men looked at each other.
“Well,” said Tom.
“I can’t see a bar, but there’s the beer! Come on!”
“Aye, but whose beer is it? It could be anybody’s.”
“Well, it’s ours now.” Tex had started down the path to the beach.
“I mean, if you leave beer lying round in the sun, it’s bound to get drunk. Besides look how cold it looks. If we leave it there it’ll soon be warm beer and no use to anyone!”
The others agreed and they jogged down to the tables. Each picked up a cold glass of liquid amber and downed it in one, before choosing a second to sup at a more leisurely pace.
But before they reached midway in the second glass they heard a shout from the cliff line. Slightly blinded by the sun, they turned towards some dark unnoticed caves at the foot of the cliff. They blinked in shock as the giant frame of a man came into view, towering well over seven foot tall.
The figure ran towards them, shouting inaudible words.
“Shit!” yelled Tom.
“Look at the size of him. We’ve had it lads!”
“And look!” Billy was pointing up at the creature’s face.
“He’s only got one eye!”
It was true. Right in the middle of the forehead. One large, unblinking eye.
“Shit! It’s a Cyclops! It’s a bloody Cyclops!”
“Well. We are in Greece,” Tex observed, helpfully.
“And, as the old joke goes, if we have to have a fight with a creature from ancient mythology, he's the one-eyed get!”
“Bloody hell, Tex. This isn’t the time for jokes!” Billy yelled.
The lads backed up towards the lapping sea, realising that the escape route to the path was blocked by this giant creature. They were trapped.
“Hey, Tom. I’ve got an idea. Have you got your Samsung Tab with you?” Dan piped up.
“Yeah, it’s in my rucksack. Why?”
“Quick. Get it out,” Dan was animated as he spoke.
“Hurry. Switch it on and open Candy Crush.”
“Bloody hell, Dan. This is no time to play games!” But Tom did as he was told, even as he objected.
“Not us, dickhead. Put it on and slide it over to the beast! It’s our only hope.”
Understanding dawned on the others.
Nobody could resist Candy Crush
The Tab booted quickly and as the Cyclops closed in on them Tom opened the app.
“Right. It’s on. I’ve set it so a beginner can use it. Here goes.”
He flipped the device across the short gap between them and the oncoming beast.
It landed face up in the sand, flashing colours and playing enticing music. Nobody could resist.
The Cyclops stopped, puzzled. Bending, he picked up the Tab.
“Huh?” or at least something akin to that, seeped from his lips.
He examined the flashing colours with his single eye.
Then emitted what can only be described as a chuckle, before slumping to the ground and sitting cross-legged, pawing at the game controls and peering intently at the screen.
“Bingo!” yelled Dan.
“Come on, lads, leg it.”
The four men sprinted across the sand to the path, unheeded by the enthralled Cyclops.
They ran on for several minutes in the blazing sun, constantly checking over their shoulders to make sure they weren’t being pursued.
“Right!” said Tex.
“I’m phoning a bloody taxi and getting us back to the hotel. We’ve had enough excitement for one day.”
The others looked at each other and spoke in unison.
“Eye, eye, captain!”
It was a joke they would repeat for years to come!