We all died that day
Why did I do this to myself again?
Why can't I learn to quit?
Why did I think I'd ever be enough?
Why do I always need another hit?
Mom I'm so sorry and dad don't be mad
But the sweet child you wanted just isn't who you had.
I've got a problem with life and am nothing but sad
Why did I ever let it get this bad?
When did I start losing sight of myself?
When did I start thinking they were right?
That I was just another lost cause in the world
Who only found solace in drugs and crying at night.
16 brought pain and 17 brought more
The same blank space expression is the only things I wore
You begged me to stop, but I lied when I swore.
Why didn't I quit when you asked me to?
Why does it feel like no ever cares?
Five years later and it's all still the same
Living in a life where I'm barely all there.
When did things start going wrong?
When did every family function turn into fight?
Why am I i like the way that I am?
Why am I the only one with a problem you need to drink or ignite?
One hit, two hit
Three hit, Four.
At first it was enough
But now I need more.
One pill, two pills
Three pills, four.
The demons in my head
Had started a war.
One line, Two lines,
Three lines, Four.
Think I’ve finally had enough,
Can’t get up from the floor.
One knock, two knocks
Three knocks, four
Never thought by now
I’d be knocking on heavens door
Where did you go my loving child?
When did I lose your heart?
Why did you feel not loved enough?
When I have loved you from the start.
Where did you get those ideas, my love
That you weren’t good and a waste of space
Why did you think I wouldn’t want to help
Where are you now, is it a safe place?
What do I do now that you’re gone, my dear?
Don’t you know I can’t live without you,
My job as your mother should never be over,
Would’ve given my own life to keep you sober.
Did you not think this was something we could work through?
Did you not think I was someone you could come to?
You were my baby, my beautiful child
The shooting stars I’d wished upon
So care free and wild
So wonderfully brilliant and kind as can be
My life and my world
Why did you leave me?
What did you do to yourself, best friend?
Why did you test the stakes
Did you not think I would need you in my life?
Now for you my heart only aches
Why did I believe you when you said you were fine?
Lied right to my face as you did another line.
Are you happy now though wherever you are?
Why did you think your life was only to go this far.
Why didn't you tell me your thoughts, my friend?
Why didn't you let me in?
Why did you think I wouldn't care
And why did you let the drugs and dark thoughts win?
It used to be fun whenever we got high.
But now all I can ever do is cry
Because I never knew when we started at 16 it would be the reason you would die.