and never so alive (with you)

_

Cahya falls. there’s no moment to think as the dragon beneath her disappears, and she is falling. a second too late to grab for her magic to cushion her landing but then she finds there is no need as magic reaches for her and cloaks her and she hits the soft ground. it hums against her bones, chill ice - it doesn’t feel like hers - not bright, wild but colder, more concentrated. but she has no time to dwell on that because her she takes in a breath of air, takes in life - the feel of the grass beneath her, the warm dragon tattoo on her arm that glows a golden. Cahya breathes in the air - tastes of warm earth, of mint flowers, tingling in her mouth and she is on her feet. her steps feel light, and she feels brim with energy, with power. and she runs, runs and runs as the air whips at her hair and face.

and - there in the distance past the crowd of people that are starting to wake up, she can see him. his leant body as he starts to sit up as Evan’s face suddenly whips her and Cahya knows he felt the pull by his expression and she reaches more for him. the tattoo on her arms burns golden and—

burst of — a rush of emotions overloads her. and each part of her pulses with bright-bright-fire and she runs faster, eats up the distance between them. she twists and turns, dodging past people— and then—

she is finally, finally at home. -

and she’s furious.

.

Cahya has always been a ball of temper, of tightly compressed emotions. always fast to act, too reckless. with time she learned to rein in, to suppress her wild emotions but.. it has always been there.

and now— beneath her skin, in the depth of her bones — they are screaming, rattling and she’s breathless with it, haphazardly stitched up with red bleeding at the seams. she’s raging. it’s not anger. no, anger is a torch, a touch of heat beneath the skin, yellow-orange flames and she’s livid - a blazing-sun hot white spark that leaps from darkness and sets everything alight, she’s a volcano of build up emotions at her highest point - itching to erupt.

(but most of all - there’s desperation - there’s a loss - there’s fear buried her hot hot fuming anger that flames it)

she’s here - in front of Evan, who was dead - who stares at her with his bright blue eyes like she’s the world. (and she is. for the both of them - the world only consists of two)

she knows him. and she can feel the emotions pouring from him, can see the tension in the hand muscle, in the burrow of his eyebrows, can see feel the regret guilt in him.

and - Cahya is beyond furious even though she knows, understands because she is at the end of her point.

HOW COULD YOU? she wants to say, but their word die in her throat and, Evan looks at her with eyes downcast - and she hates it. everything.

.

Evan knows this.

.

he felt her before he saw her running towards him. and there’s an ache grabbing his breath at the sight of her, a rush of emotions pouring out of him. he looks up at her, at her messy scarlet hair. she looks like she’s been through hell and back and probably has. and there’s a deep ache in his chest. Cahya, he wants to call her name, but the name is stuck on his throat because even if he just died and came back - he — left her. the thought grips - strangles him. he left her even when he promised. and Evan can remember her crying-anguish, and now she’s here in front of him. and everything feels too real, there’s a strangling wave of emotions at the sight of her and— he can’t breath- can’t think— it aches- hurts- pains- and— and—

he can feel her fury bleeding into him, and he knows she knows what he did, why he died.

(he has never been able to hide his emotions from her)

Sorry, he tries to say, but he can’t. because he isn’t sorry for dying - would do it again in a single breath. he’s sorry for leaving her, for breaking the promise. he loves her, oh how he does but - Evan would never be able to live his life knowing he let someone die on his watch. even if it meant that was leaving Cahya, because he knows her - that she would eventually get up even if it’s after years and years - because to him, while he loves with her every breath, every beat - he would never rest knowing another person with just a life as he has died - again - on his watch. so he is not sorry for dying, but there is regret for leaving. and now, he is alive and she is here. and she's angry.

(no. not furious, not livid - because Evan knows her, can see the fear, buried in. and this aches him. he hates seeing her pain because of him - but. )

(there is always a but —)

Cahya, he tries to say - when there’s a mouth on him swallowing up the words. when suddenly - she is on the ground next to him, her mouth on his and he burns— scorches— shivers under her kiss and damn he has never been alive before. hands grip at him there’s desperation in her movement as Cahya kisses him— steals the breath out of him. and he’s gasping. they drop, fall in a tangled mess, and tumble through the grass- and there are emotions pushing onto him, overwhelming him—

—anger-anger—harsh-red—desperation—sharp-nails—skin—deeper-deeper—

she pushes down on to him, grips him tight and kisses him with force. there is no moment to reach for air. she kisses him with sharp, deep desperation. she devours him whole, and he drowns. there are hands on his face, on his chest. she pushes and pushes down.

.

and Evan lets her strangling waves of emotions take him. he takes it all and drowns - because he can because he wants all of it.

.

and Cahya bleeds, pours everything. grips on to him like he's an anchor in this screaming red ocean. and he is because there is no shore - nothing else to grab on to. only each other.

even if - he is the cause of the flood because above everything, past her raging emotions, she always came back because she knows him, and understands even when - she doesn’t want to.

(because most of all - above everything else, he matters the most)

.

a moment to grasp for air, a second to stare at her bright red ember eyes pulsing with raw emotions before their mouths slant agianst one another and they —devour-drown—.

and Evan reaches out, snakes a hand on her waist twists so she is under him— and this time pushes back. lets her feel his emotions.

—love-sorry-love-love-fear--love-love-love—relief—love

She takes it all and pushes back.

—love—love—love-love-love—

.

because past all their differences that divide them - past everything in between -

love is the strong thread that binds them and reels them in - connects them in the form of the dragon tattoo that glows golden on their arms.