Unquenchable

The feeling was almost ethereal. Magical, like flying or walking on water. Something that could be posessed, embodied, but was yet still fleeting. Jackson had only experinced it once in his life. Mallory had been his first love, the daughter of one of his father’s close golfing buddies. She had seen him only as a play thing, and once he realized his feelings for her had swollen to an ungodly size she had moved onto her next suitor. For all the heartache he suffered, Jackson would only blame himself. Mallory wasn’t the loving type, her ice blue eyes, blonde waves, small 5′2 structure, pouting scarlett lips, and insatiable hunger for competition and fashion gave that away. For 2 years, Jackson had given up on love, what it was supposed to mean, and feel like. Until It happened again. His skin tingled and the heart that squished with rhythm in between his ribs was ignited, set abalze with electricity so powerful it could only be contained within his mind. The deepest parts of his brain where it existed between only two people.

Himself and that curly-haired girl from Carnation Cafe. He didn’t know her well, hardly at all. But he knew she never asked for a straw, there was always some type of library book, thick and heavy looking tucked under her slender arm, and her hair was a wild mass of sable black curls. Every day since their first meeting which wasn’t anything more than a mutual hello, he observed her from his usual corner booth, taking casual sips of the bitter black coffee that seemed to be an accidental buy every once in a while when he was overwhelmed with the anticipation of seeing the curly-haired girl again. He was drawn to the organic nature of her being. The way she walked through the cafe, bare faced, almost boldly staring into the gazes that greeted her unsual appearance with disdain. She was otherworldly. A girl who didn’t quite belong into this dog-eat-dog society. For as long as his sanity would allow, he traced her graceful movements with his eyes like a hawk, scouting its prey.

She came and she went, like a butterfly taking only what she needed before flitting off into the afternoon sunshine. Jackson watched her come and go, until his starvation for an interaction became gluttonus. And he had to speak to herfor fear of outbursting his new found feelings od admiration and desire. He forced himself to stand, shoving his clammy palms into the united front pocket of his sweatshirt, his legs somehow abled over to where she stood in the line. He had already ordered a coffee, but made a show of looking genuinely interered in the menu options displayed above their heads. Behind her, Jackson began having an out of body experince. His head felt light, spacey, the room spun with a slight tilt. I’m in love with you. He repeated amourously to her in his head. Her arrainment of curls blocked the shape of her face, but he had already memorized the angular shape of her jaw and how slightly pointed her double pierced ears were. The permanent sunburn of her cheeks even though he skin was more tan than fair.

The lined moved up, Jackson saw his chance to speak to her beggining to fade before his eyes. He then reached out to place his tremoring hand to place it on her shoulder. She turned, her eyebrows puckering with confusion. As he opened his mouth, the words emptied from his mind like sand through his fingertips. “Yes, can I help you?” she moved back slightly from underneath his touch, clearly uncomfortable. “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” After the milisecond apology, Jackson slipped out of the line and back to his corner booth. From there he continued to observe her, and from time to time she would acknowledge him, but not with a warm smile or curteous nod. It was a reeling expression, as if she was always keeping an eye out for where he was in the cafe and to never go there. From there Jackson settled the feeling that crushed his insides to the point of no return. It was love, but also something else. Something worse than love. or hate for that matter. Something that was dangerous, unquenchable, jealous, and toxic. It was obsession.