Forgiveness Matters

(an autobiography in rhyming quatrains)

I’ve learned many lessons in my fifty plus years;

been deeply in love, and I’ve shed many tears.

I've seen joyous beginnings and grief-stricken ends

as I gained and lost loved ones, both family and friends.

One truth I discovered, while making my way,

was that I held the power, at the end of the day—

I could choose my reactions, either happy or sad,

or thankful, or jealous, or quiet, or mad.

At times this was easy, when faith was my guide

being thankful was something that glowed deep inside.

Yet many were times, if the truth would be known,

that my doubt, pain, and fear left me cold and alone.

Like on that fall day, just a few years ago,

when a pain in my chest and my arm laid me low...

‘myocardial infarction’ was what the doc said

as he put in a stent, without which I’d be dead.

Less than a year later, my wife came to me

after a lifetime together, now in year thirty-three

with five kids and seven grand-kids. I thought we were set

until she told me the words that I’ll never forget.

“We got married too young; I never explored

a life on my own...” and she walked out the door.

With no wife and no job, I was angry and hurt,

so I fell to my knees and I prayed in the dirt.

I cried, “Why God? Why? Am I really so bad?”

but He gave me no answer. I was way beyond mad—

I was angry with Him, even more with my wife,

but mostly with ME, for I’d messed up my life.

I hit the last rung, so I simply let go...

where my life would take me, I just didn’t know;

but I opened my heart, and I looked for a clue,

and found faith that He would show me what to do.

I scrolled social media in a pitiful daze,

and I froze, when my screen displayed one single phrase;

Black letters on off-white, pierced me to the core:

“BE BITTER OR BETTER... the choice is all yours.”

With the image were comments, and the very first one

said “Forgiveness brings healing, like light from the sun.”

In my soul, a strong paradigm shifted that day,

and I suddenly knew, it would all be okay.

I reached out to my wife, with forgiveness in mind,

but the voice on her phone was a much different kind.

I knew him of course, for he once was my friend...

yet despite all of this, my new smile didn’t bend.

I wished them both well... and I really do hope

that wherever life takes them together, they’ll cope.

My next healing prayer was my “Sorry” to God,

for I knew that he’d touched me, with a wink and a nod.

Then last but not least, I focused within

and I forgave myself, for mistakes and for sins.

I found the true ME hiding there, just inside,

when I looked with forgiveness, past anger and pride.

A boy’s hopes were still there, in the heart of the man,

as were the dreams I had buried in work, bills, and plans.

Reignited, my passion for writing then grew,

and I published a novel, and some poetry too.

Now I get to craft books for a living each day,

and dream sweetly at night, without hate in my way.

My new life isn’t perfect—at times fate’s still unkind—

but I’m better, not bitter... and that suits me just fine!

© 2019 - dustygrein