Under. Over.

You haunted my life for over a decade

More than ten years of my life

Uselessly dedicated to the imaginary pursuit

Of an impossible suitor

An obsession built on the lies I told myself

Our backstory, knitted together from scraps of kindness

In my head you were superman... prince charming … my savior

But in truth I was nothing to you

An acquaintance, a person of convenience

Nothing more

Not even a friend

I pined for you

I hollowed myself out to make room for our story

I lulled myself to sleep each night with tales of our love

Impossible, impractical, contrived

Never to truly see the light of day

I used these dreams as a pacifier

To quiet my anxious heart

And to face of the emptiness of my life

I chose this phantom sustenance over the simple meal before me

And grew sicker and weaker as I feasted on its nothingness

I breathed my life into this golem

And filled its veins with my blood

Even as it sucked the vitality from my marrow

Leaving me anemic and alone

I never imagined I would ever be confronted with the reality of it

Never dreamed that it could come to life

Not even for an instant

But then, one night it happened

Impossibly, my creature drew breath

And there you were wanting me

Instead of the other way around

The natural order of things was broken

And somehow, we were more alone together than apart

The illusion was shattered

There was no kindness, not even scraps

No romance in the story

No hope for the future

No substance at all

Just a meaningless series of events

In a universe filled with chaos

And now there is only one shred of order left in this crazy world

One last bit of logic to which I can ascribe and attest

And that is this:

Sometimes you have to get under someone before you can get over them.