So unfair

I’ve read about it in books, seen it happen in movies, listened to podcasts that discuss why it happens and how. In my desperation to make it happen to me, I’ve done almost every plausible thing- and some implausible ones, too- but all in vain. No matter the my extensive googling, the self-assured knowledge of the Wikihow pages, the step-by-step Youtube tutorials with the cartoon pictures, the advice of my friends (“I don’t know how to explain it… it just happens, you know?”), I just can’t do it.

I can’t lucid dream.

I’ve never done it before. Everytime I go to sleep and wake up in a dream world composed by my own mind, it’s like the spindle fibers of my brain has decided to give themselves amnesia. This is the real world, they tell me, sincere as a five year old. Your teeth in a pile on the ground? Your complete and utter embarrassing nakedness in front of your entire school? That desperation to escape that thing chasing you? All of it is real.

And every time, I’m helplessly gullible. Or my brain is. To… itself. I’m not exactly sure of the logistics of dream-world belief in its own reality, but the bottom line is that every single time, without fail, I fall for it.

I feel my mouth, and sure enough, I get a fingerful of fleshy gum. I look down at my body and- oops- there it is, on full display before every single person I’ve ever known. I try to slow down, but every muscle, every tendon, screams in protest and I keep on running, to avoid the thing that chases me.

Wow, dream-world-idiot me thinks, I hate my life.

And for dream-world-idiot me, the button that appears sometimes to my friends, to countless strangers on the internet- the one that gives them wings and a cloak of invisibility and godly transcendence to a higher plane of understanding- never appears for me. I’m always stuck running away, or trying to cover myself, or garbling for a dentist.

And at this point, I’m starting to think that lucid dreaming is just one big conspiracy, an Illuminati secret that everyone else in the world besides me is in on.